The Ainz Years

Of the failure of man

2010-09-08T20:09:00.002+05:30

It is remarkable truly,

That those who believe in the complexities of creationism,

In the verses of the paths of guidance,

In the cycle of life & supremacy of virtue,

In the limitless will of their Gods,

Are the ones to trivialise great matters first,

By creating uss' & thems'

By painting it black & white,

And pretending then to be holier than all.

What then serve purpose,

All those complexities of creationism;

Surely for guidance they were,

But laws they have become.

The Next Phase Of The Ainz Years

2010-07-09T15:27:00.007+05:30

In my bid to consciously remain away from blogging about me, me and me, I think I've been quite successful. Barely 2 posts in 22 months! I stopped writing because I did not want to talk about anything anymore, I wasn't sure it mattered or made a difference and there were just too many people doing it.

A lot has changed since I started writing here and looking back now I see quite a difference between me now and me from before. I've been thinking hard of closing this blog down to move away from some of my earlier posts and start afresh. But now I've decided not to. Evolution is natural and from this post on I think I shall consider it to be the start of a new phase of writing. Ever more cynical, sarcastic and annoyed with social networking and virtual noise, I've decided to diversify and roll the ball in a different direction.

The Ainz Years have always been slightly philosophical, political and sometimes a little funny but now I want concentrate on my current interests. And so, in that regard, I'm starting a parallel blog that should take care of my technology and gadgets and gizmos related itch. The Ainz Years shall continue to host my rants about things unrelated to tech and I hope to return to form real soon! ;-)

The other blog is called A.B.A.T.A.G.A.S (pronounced Abatagus)... which shockingly enough is short for 'A Blog About Technology And Gadgets And Stuff'. I'm writing the first posts and shall have the link ready right here when its all set.

So let me thank you visiting and reading and hope you will return here and also check out Abatagus.

Londinium

2009-01-30T19:46:00.002+05:30

The thing about Kingston Hill is that its in the middle of no-where... According to the now ex-Mr. Fezio, there are only two ways about it. There is uphill... and there is down-hill. Now both can either aid or delay your journey from either the town center or the nearest Wall-Mart monster nearby called ASDA. The thing about walking downhill one side is that it takes you to the Kingston town center where await all the wonders of the capitalist world in the storm of recession. Now the thing about Kingston town center is that it happens to be in Kingston. That wouldn't have been a bad thing except for the fact that even though Kingston is in what they call 'Zone 6', it is still more expensive than the Queen's crown jewels locked up under guard in the Tower of London. Now the thing about being in 'zones' is that there happens to be a progression of them from 1 to 6.

Zone 1, they say, is most of central London. Now the thing about London is that as you move from center to edge, the zones move from 1 to 6 and so the number of £s you spend just living your life decrease exponentially. Not surprisingly, the Royal borough is immune to this most bizarre rational. So if you happen to find your self in Kingston you'll probably take the down hill the other side and end up at what is called as 'The Great ASDA'. You would've liked it better of course if you hadn't known that its rebadged Wall-Mart but so is life and as you trudge along the 1 and 3/4 million aisles, you'll realize that everything that is anything is also ASDA.

Now the thing about ASDA is that whatever is ASDA is also cheaper than whatever is anything else. Now mostly thats a good thing but there are times when you pick out that pizza from the freezer and realize that there isn't any cheese on it and then it hits you that the pence' you saved on the brand of the monster may have not really saved you anything at all. Normally that would've been enough to head off back to the store and demand a refund or least a replacement but the thing about going back is the downhill.

The thing about downhill is that from the other side it becomes uphill and that doesn't always agree with your body. Your body agrees more with the bus that runs every 10 minutes all day and all night but the thing with the bus is that is not cheap. The oyster that facilitates your transition from the walk to the ride comes with a charge of its own. It cannot be topped up on the downhill towards the shopping wonder but rather downhill towards the expensive heart of the borough. That wouldn't be a problem on most occasions except for the fact that to charge for a £ you'll have to spend a £.

Now this being England and all, it comes to mind what the f*** am I doing here?!?! Well the thing about being in London is that it takes a flight, shit loads of ££££s and months of preparations to enroll yourself in September. Normally September would be warm but once you land, it being England and all, you realize that its not all that warm and you are going to freeze to death if you don't wear a coat. Generally wearing a coat would seem like a nice idea but the thing about coats in London is that every one is wearing one. Its either black or grey and that doesn't help the mood much.

If you mind the gap sufficiently enough on the tube then you'll realize that everyone is either reading a paper or listening to their iPods. If on the other hand you don't and do get up, close and personal with the tracks, you will realize that they are too clean for comfort. Normally that would be a good thing, but then you realize something else that makes you draw comparisons with what you left behind and that is exactly the moment when the spot light goes from the conscious to the sub-conscious and the realization dawns on you, as this time you do mind the gap getting into the tube from Victoria to Putney, that...

"DMRC does it better!"

15 to 1

The Battle of Bombay!

2008-11-28T02:47:00.000+05:30

The fires still rage on...

One injured terrorist still moves within the Taj...

NSG airdropping on Nariman House...

125 dead...

Capture them alive...

Make them talk...

They came to die... Make them live... put them in jail... make them live... let them grow old knowing they failed... make them live... let them exist to see they failed... Don't let them die... those bastards have to see us rise... they will fail... capture them alive...

And by the way... where is Raj Thackeray and his MNS goons? They can only break shops and protest Valentine's Day!

Triumph in the face of absolute stupidity and cheapness!

2008-07-24T01:55:00.003+05:30

Well... YES! The govt. not only survived the trust vote but won it in a decisive manner! Yea yea... so there are a million allegations to be made... they bribed... they pressured... and stuff like that... but really... this is Indian Politics we are talking about. How stupid or pretentious do you have to be to say that you didn't already know all this happens all the time anyway!?!

But this is brilliant... now we can finally go ahead with the deal that everyone with an ounce of brain (including almost all of NDA) knows is good for the country. So here is the Roll of Honor... the definitive winners and losers of this most reality-show-like trust vote!

Winner - Prime Minister Manmohan Singh & his UPA Government

He was heckled... he was boo-ed... they even said he is selling out India's national interest to the U.S. but he stood his ground. Mr. Advani... you didn't score any moral victory with your "election speech" during the trust vote... this man did by fighting the odds... taking a chance and moving ahead!

Winner - Samajwadi Party

Once the bitter enemies of the Congress Party, they saw a golden opportunity and grabbed it. What remains to be seen is what personal agenda Amar Singh and Mulayam Singh Yadav will push for now that they have sway in the central government. One can only hope they fare better than the communists.

Winner - The Speaker, Somnath Chatterjee

His party (CPI-M) tried all sorts of arm-twisting measures to prove god-knows-what but he held his ground. Today, they expelled him for having something they don't have at all... Guts!

Winner - BMW or Bahen Mayawati

She dealt a stunning blow when she bought off SP General Secretary Shahid Siddiqui and propped him up in front of the media to claim how the deal was... ahem... anti-muslim and anti-India!

But her true accomplishment is the fact that suddenly... she is on the national stage! And today, she was declared the Prime Ministrial Candidate for the Third Front! AAAARRRGGGGHHHH... Mayawati as PM?!?!?! And the Commies are supporting it... tsk... tsk...

And now... ofcourse... The grand Losers!

Loser - The Left (All Communist Parties of India)

They are probably the biggest losers of this whole scam that they tried to pull off. Losing the trust vote is a good slap on their collective stupid faces. Their argument was that the UPA was not being true to the Common Minimum Program for which the Left was supporting the government and focusing too much on the deal (which by the way, is a secret weapon deployed by the imperialistic Americans to enslave India) and which wasn't part of the CMP anyway! Well... dear comrades... the Common Minimum Program (CMP) is almost 4 years old now! If something new comes up during the 4 years of the government... we should just let it pass by? Saying.. "oh well... lets see... its not in the CMP booklet!" How crazy are you people?!!? Your holy land... the Soviet Union began trailing the west in terms of economic growth and stability from the late 70s because they were stuck up too much on their '5 year plans'. They didn't see anything beyond it. And well.. don't know if you know... but... that country sort of disintegrated!

Loser - BJP and its NDA Allies

So the top NDA leadership gets briefed on the deal a few months ago. Most leaders, including Mr. L.K. Advani say that its good for the country and if need be... they'll support it. Fastforward... July 2008... The left has withdrawn support... they smell a chance... the govt can fall... and all those chairs they had to leave 4 years ago might just get to greet their bums again! Attttaaaaackkk! Mr. Advani forgets all about the deal... he talks about everything he can get his mind to... full spectrum he covers... Arre... if the govt falls tomorrow then the people should know na what he stands for! The fact of the matter is the NDA would have implemented the same deal... very happily... had they been in power. They had started the damn process anyway!

But the nation's interest was not at heart... they yelled... brought a bag full of money... ridiculed the country's Prime Minister and basically showed just how slimy politics actually is. All Mr. Advani wants to do before he dies is become the Prime Minister of this country... and it seems he no longer cares how that happens... by hook or by crook!

Loser - Shahid Siddiqui (Ex General Secretary of the Samajwadi Party)

Well... Mr. Siddiqui, no matter what you say... we know you've been bought... You were claiming at the top of your voice, till the day before your sale, how the deal is good for the country... yea... the media existed 5 days ago too and recorded that as well. And now suddenly "your concience" grew up from somehere? To specifically claim that "muslims hate America and this deal". Two words for you traitor.... FUCK OFF!

The Law of Mind-boggling Simplicity

2008-06-12T01:30:00.000+05:30

Something strange is happening here....

Why is it that when you absolute don't care about something... it starts going your way... as opposed to when you really really want something to go your way it almost never does?!

I've sort of experienced it way too many times... thats why... at certain points in life... I like being angry... cause that brings in the feeling of 'not caring what happens'. Its not always a good thing but once that hesitation, that fear of caring goes away... you're free... the possibilities are endless and it all gives you such a rush!

And the reason I write "Something strange is happening here...." is a little similar to all that below it and a lot different too...

Earlier I used to write here regularly... updating all posts and writing all sorts of thoughts... hardly anyone ever visited... and now that I almost NEVER write... and I'm getting page hits like crazy!

The great thing is... I care and I don't... and so whatever happens... its all good! :-D

Lord Ainz of Ramz

2008-04-05T07:58:00.000+05:30

Its been 6 frekkin' months and 2 days exactly to this day that I last wrote anything in this blog. A lot... lot... fucking lot has come to pass but I really don't think I have the strength to go into any of that (whatever strength I did have is being used to keep me fight the sour throat and running nose; courtesy of the changing season).

I thought it would be a smashing idea to write about something else that I did after a very long time. Played Civilization III!!! :-D

This time around... I decided to do a lot of things differently... I selected a random map (not standard size Earth as usual), selected Romans as native civilization (not Indians but of course I renamed them Ramzanions) and let the computer decide the other civs. Also, I made it a point not to cheat in this one (after such a long and easy time I didn't use the pay 10000000 cheat).

Therefore its been quite an experience. My native continent has three large land masses. One I share with the Americans, one is held by the Greeks and one by the Egyptians. The game started off well.... but by around 1758 BC, suddenly, my treasury fortune started declining. This also contributed to the overall standing of my civilization. After a brief spike in 500 BC my power kept declining (vis-a-vis the power of the other three civs of the then known world). The lowest point came around 200 AD when my civ went broke and I had only about 7 modest cities. The Americans to the north had grown up to be the most powerful civilization of the known world. The Greeks to the south and the Egyptians to the west occupied the 3rd and 2nd positions respectively but were comparable in size to me. The American on the other hand were spreading all over the place. They had inherited fertile land whereas the bulk of land that I explored and claimed for myself was covered in thick forests. This also partially was responsible for my slow growth.

Then something happened.

The Americans, having covered all of the north started sending settles through my territories to the open land explored by me in the south (above the Greek land mass). It pissed me off but by now I had a few key advancements in technology and my military was almost the same size as the Americans. I had a Republican government and out of pure need for money started selling the Printing Press technology to all civs on a per turn gold basis. This started the economic revival. Meanwhile I was getting close to discovering democracy. The American sent three settlers with escorts down south and established three cities. I countered then by going further south and establishing two cities. One to cut off the Egyptians from my land and the second to cut off the Greeks. I was also able to encircle the American cities but there still remained free land there. For that the Americans again launched three settler units with escorts. Also, with them they dispatched about 12 worker units.

As the American units were crossing through my territory, I decided, rather instantly, to ambush them and capture the slaves. America was the most powerful nation of the known world and mine the weakest. but my units were well placed.

The War (200 AD - 600 AD)

I attacked.

Two turns later, I had killed the three American military escorts, captured 14 slaves. Two more turns later, the frontier American city of St. Louis fell to my Horsemen. I renamed the city St. Louis RZ to signify the new masters. In the south I launched a 4 unit army (2 archers, 1 horseman and 1 spearman) from the post city of Ainz to southern American cities. Whatever units I could find I pressed into service. Surprisingly, the American army didn't have surplus units for an instant counter offensive and it wasn't much after the fall of St. Louis that 2 Swordmen units crossed the border. Till then, I was able to bring in two additional horsemen to the northern front. I barely managed to repeal the Americans when 2 more sword men approached St. Louis RZ. The fighting on the Southern front was going badly with 2 losses for every victory for me.

I sent for peace but the American demanded the surrender of St. Louis RZ. Telling them to get lost I relaunched a 4 unit army from Ainz and positioned right outside the American cities in the south. Also I was able to reinforce my forces in the north and managed to defeat the new American units there. The War entered a stalemate will I once again sent an envoy for peace. This time the Americans readily accepted.

That was the first and last war for the next couple of centuries but forever changed the nature of things to come. From the fourth most powerful civilization Ramz (mine) became equal to America far surpassing Egypt and Greece. The Americans stopped southern expansion and started consolidating that they had. The Republic of Ramz then made way for the Ramzanion Democracy and I (Ainz) became President from Prime Minister as head of state. My economic fortunes also started rising with extensive trade agreements and discovery of new civilizations (The Germans, French, English and Russians). The first highest trade agreement reached (combined from all civs) over 230 gold per turn.

Ramz was on the rise. The next couple of centuries were peaceful with huge gains in technology and exploration. My power stood at double that of the next most powerful civ (Egypt, followed by Greece, America, Russia, France, England and Germany). There were no wars and the only one (involving Ramz and America) came to be known as 'The War'.

The game was going peacefully. Way too peacefully.

First World War (1950-1991)

I decided to take the small continent where New Ramz was located completely from the Russians and the Germans. I had three native cities there and one Russian city (Novgorod) had defected to me. For the first time in many centuries, I decided to raise an army. Old naval vessels were converted into new Transports and three were stationed off the Eastern Ramzanion Seaboard. Two destroyers were made and deployed towards the targets. I decided to attack both Russia and Germany together, but 32 Cavalry units was a tall order. So first I decided to take out the two German cities (Munich & Heidelburg) with 8 Cavalry units in one transport supported by the 2 destroyers and 2 bombers based out of New Ramz. This would be like a training dry run for the future Ramz -Russian war. I started making Cavalry units in all cities that were done with current projects with the intention that each city will make at least 3 Cavalry units. The first transport was loaded and launched escorted by a destroyer.

Meanwhile, Egpyt and Ramz (Me) signed a 'Mutual Protection Pact'. Anyhu, So I landed my forces and in a barrage of bombardment from bombers and destroyers invaded Overseas German Territory. So successful was the campaign that I suffered no loss and both German cities fell.

The captured territories in 1961.
Notice at lower left- Yellow:Egypt, Green:Greeks, Red:Ramz, Turquoise:Americans, Brown:Russians, Orange:English, Blue:Germans & Pink:French

But there was a catch.

Germany had a Mutual Protection Pact with England. This simply meant that when I invaded Germany, the English declared war on me. I further found out that if I responded to the English with war, the Greek would attack me because they had a Mutual Protection Pact with England. So basically, I let opened the pandora's box. I wasn't worried about the English, they were too far away, but the Greeks were neighbours... powerful neighbours!

But the war against Germany had gone too well. I left 1 cavalry unit in each captured city and re-loaded the remaining 6 back into the transport (RZS Hercules). Escorted by the destroyer RZS Hurricane, I headed south to capture the English Overseas Territory Island (a small Island with two English cities). I started reinforcing my border with Greece in anticipation of certain war. I tried to make peace with Germany, but they wouldn't. My other destroyer (RZS Spirit of Ramz) also started trailing a Greek Frigate off the coast of New Ramz. Finally I reached the 'English Island' and from the Hurricane let loose a volley of bombardment as my forces were offloaded. The Greeks declared war. I invaded with 6 cavalry units and promptly captured Herakteia. But from then on started the 'War of Offenses' with the Greeks. The Greek military wasn't a push over and every turn launched a strong counteroffensive for every offensive tactic by me. Greek Knights clashed with my modern Cavalry and at one point I was shocked to see a modern Greek Cavalry unit ride up to attack Herakteia! We both kept reinforcing our forces turn after turn. The only difference was that Greece was loosing units while my units were being rendered in-effective (at one power point).

Meanwhile, the world was going to hell! Everyone started declaring war on everyone else (not on me though) and large military forces started moving all over the place.

Finally, by 1959, after many turns of attacks, the Greeks ran out of reinforcements and I was able to lay siege to Sparta and Ephesus.

Sparta and Ephesus under siege in 1959

I prevailed and captured the cities and Greece agreed to a peace treaty.

Sparta RZ and Ephesus RZ in 1961

Meanwhile, I successfully took the English Island and once again, because of the success of the mission, revised objectives. I reloaded the Hercules with 3 cavalry units (leaving 3 on the Island) and decided to invade continental England. I decided to take the port city of Warwick.

Captured 'English Island'

RZS Hurricane dominated the seas and sunk 4 English ships while Hercules landed the invading party. Warwick fell the next turn and became Warwick RZ. The English sent reinforcements (conscripted Riflemen) but decided instead to settle peacefully.

Captured Warwick (notice RZS Hurricane on the left)

All three civs (German, English and Greek) agreed to pay large tributes per turn as war damages and I decided to withdraw from World War I. That was the year 1970.... and I hadn't had my war with Russia yet....

Eat.Sleep.Work

2007-10-04T00:15:00.000+05:30

There is so much to say, so much happening, but life has become an endless cycle of work and sleep with some eating thrown in. Sometimes I feel its not worth it... other times I feel that 'this is the time'... Work your ass off now... be that something that you aimed for... the destination seems foggy though even at the best of times. Am I lost? Don't have even that minute to ponder anymore... lets see how long this goes and what it has in store for me.

And I made a breakthrough! I can write, but never anything that might even remotely resemble a rhyme or poem. I wrote something... but unfortunately can't put it here due to copyright hassles... maybe some other day...

AND YEA! WE AREEEEE THE CHAMPIONSSSSS!!!!! :-D

Is there a twist somewhere?

2007-08-22T13:38:00.000+05:30

Last night after writing my anger on the Commies out (Will the real Comrade please stand up?), I was lying in bed feeling all smug and content cursing the short-sightedness of our 'leaders' when suddenly, one part of the brain (which wanted to sleep) suddenly made me realize that I might have fallen into a trap? Did I do exactly what they wanted me to do? Feel the way they wanted me to feel?

Let me explain:

What if the UPA planned the whole thing out from the start? The Left would make such a huge ruckus that the real opposition (some party called BJP), would be totally sidelined and rendered in-effective. The opposition would relax watching the in fighting in the UPA and would not put too much opposition to the deal themselves! And just when the deal is to be sealed... the Left will suddenly relax saying that "the congress was able to satisfactorily address our concerns" and back away, hence leaving the opposition with no time to oppose anything and the UPA will sign the deal!

Pretty ingenious eh?!?! I thought it might be a possibility... but then the events of today happened. Our glorious politician's collective egos were hurt by a mis-quote of Mr. Ronen Sen (Indian Ambassador to the U.S.). Parliament was disrupted 4 times in a single day. Everyone from the BJP to the Left joined forces and demanded the prompt lynching of Mr. Sen!

Ms. Sushma Swaraj (BJP) went on to say that the ambassador should be brought back and presented in front of the Parliament to be admonished! Mr. Karat (Left) said that he was not acting like the ambassador of India but rather like the ambassador of Mr. George Bush!

Tsk tsk...

How shameless are our politicians? Corrupt, in-efficient, un-imaginative and totally void of vision, they make a circus out of our Parliament costing the people lakhs of Rupees per adjournment and here they are judging a man who worked hard day and night, to get that deal made in India's favored position!

India's reputation is at stake now... what kind of a nation bargains like hell for a deal... clinches concessions... woos other nations atomic industries for support and then in the end backs out after everyone is worked up for it because its legally elected government is being arm twisted by tunnel visioned allies who just happen to hate the U.S. because Stalin did so too!?!?!

Listen up you fat-assed, parliament disrupting morons.... WE WANT THE DEAL... WE DON'T WANT A MID-TERM ELECTION... WE LIKE MR. SEN BETTER THAN YOU... YOU SUCK... and GROW UP LOSERS!

Will the real Comrade please stand up?

2007-08-21T13:38:00.000+05:30

I see red... Communist RED! For anyone with half an eye open... you'd know what I'm talking about. The sheer amount of noise that our Left politicians are making about the 123 Agreement, is I bet, sufficient enough to wake up the next type of carbon based life forms on the yet-to-be-discovered planet around Proxima Centauri!

They just wouldn't shut up!

Its like this really mis-behaved child who has now decided to cry at the top of his lungs all night long about the 'monster under the bed' just because he wants to prove to his totally annoyed parents that there does indeed, actually exist, a monster under the bed. Never mind the fact that only the kid thinks that to be the case!

Thats what our great comrades are doing with respect to the Nuclear Deal with the U.S.

According to them, the deal is bad because:

1. The U.S. is an imperial evil empire
2. They want to control India
3. This will impose U.S. will on our foreign policy
4. The U.S. is an imperial evil empire
5. They will weaken the country
6. The U.S. is not USSR
7. The U.S. is an imperial evil empire

Well, never mind the Left support for the Iranian nuclear program... India should not be fortunate enough to have one! I don't get what they are thinking. Their imposition of their ideology on the country is more harmful than what the U.S. can ever hope to achieve with their 'hidden agendas' in the 123 Agreement. They are holding hostage a legally, democratically elected national government just because they aren't buying fancy toys from the Left's preferred toy stores... Russia... and well... any one non U.S.

Anyone whoz has read anything on the matter will know to what great lengths both the Indian and the American governments have gone to reach an amicable agreement which actually benefits India. The Indian negotiators have to be praised for standing their ground and not making concessions on their ideally proffered positions. Having followed this in Indian as well as American publications, I gathered that it is now widely accepted, that the U.S. actually conceded more than they wanted to and for the first time, India got exactly what it went out for. So much so, that for the first time in the Bush administration, a greater good has been identified and selfishness has been side-lined. There so much lobbying going on in the U.S. to garner support in the Congress for this deal that it is almost unprecedented! The U.S. wants to give it to us... now the question is... will take it? or will we strike the very hand that they hold out to us?

What the Communists say is that there exists a U.S. law which prohibits the export of Nuclear material to foreign countries like India who have not even signed the CTBT, if they cross certain lines (like conduct nuclear tests). And in case, India conducts another nuclear test, then this U.S. law will prevail and the U.S. would hold the right to withdraw material and support and hence dissolve the agreement. Therefore, India will be bound by this fear and hence our sovereignty will be compromised.

What they don't factor in is:

1. This agreement opens the door for other counties (Nuclear Suppliers Group or the NSG) to sell material and technology to India under a special exemption from current international laws. The same laws and sanctions due to which India has had to develop everything on its own, painfully slowly and had to compromise on many other things which could not be done here. Things which we were prohibited from having otherwise. So now the world is our play ground... but our Commie friends don't wanna play!
2. India bargained for and got the U.S. to agree that it will be India who will decide which facility (present and future) is civilian and which is military. Therefore, there is no question of putting our strategic resources in danger.
3. The U.S. needs us as much as we need them. This extraordinary agreement is proof of that. So many concessions and the most powerful government in the world lobbying so hard to get us... India... more nuclear material is a first in history. Of course, in us, they probably seek a long time ally... most likely a military ally as well... but why should we not eat a free candy now... especially when we haven't promised to do anything in return for it later!?!?

And by the way... would the Commies be making the same amount of mind-boggling noise if this was a deal with the bunch-of-countries-formerly-known-as Soviet Union???

I don't think so.

You may not like the imperial west Comrades, but please don't force on us your dislikes and for heaven's sake... don't make us go through a mid-term poll... cause that would be the worst thing to happen to this country since Narendra Modi. Destabalizing India for the sake of personal ideology would not only be anti-national but also dangerous. You've let your displeasure be known... now can you please just start behaving again?

The current Left parties anthem
(un-official ofcourse)

Fe fi foe fum; we only like Soviet rum;
te ti toe tum; the U.S. is an imperial bum;
se si soe sum; we like proving ourselves really dumb;
me mi moe mum; we like the way China is run;
ki ki kow kum; lets rock the center just to have fun.

Carnival

2007-07-04T09:24:00.000+05:30

The 23-story Super Carrier USS Nimitz has finally arrived at Indian shores to make a port call. Anchored 3 kms off the coast of Chennai, the crew is looking forward to their 'Indian experience' while making plans to 'do their bit' for the needy and the under-privileged. A crew rock band is practicing hard to be ready for a performance they are expected to give shortly in the city.

While the crew goes about their stuff, the mini-city's appearance off our coast has created quite a storm here. So, to combat all this tension, various groups representing various people have decided to hold an emergency meeting to give shape to India's official stand on the issue.

Organizer/Co-ordinator/Common Man: "Alright! Ladies and Gentlemen, let us start the proceedings. One by one, each group should state their view on this issue and then we'll see how we can merge it to find common ground. Alright... so here we go....."

Leftist & Left political parties: "This is a ploy by the imperial west to enslave India and destroy us from within! They want to pollute our waters and environment by this radiation spilling nuclear warship! We will not let this happen!"

Common Man: "Er... but they've been in service for almost 3 decades and there has never been any radiation threat from them..."

Leftist & Left political parties: "Nonsense! The Congress has made a blunder by allowing them to anchor here... this makes India look weak! They might have nuclear warheads on board! What if they decide to take out the communists of India? No... no...."

Mamata Bannejee: "Thats rubbish! This is a ploy by TATA and other capitalists to take away the livelihood of all those poor farmers in Singur. They want to scare these poor people with Nuclear Weapons! I will not let this happen... I will support someone if they want to fast unto death to protest this! Anybody willing?....."

Far-right Hinduvta Leader: "This is the perfect opportunity to get rid of all Indians who don't follow Hinduism! Let us steal this ship and the nuclear weapons and bomb all known minority areas! All problems solved!"

Common Man: "WHAT?!?!"

Self-proclaimed Muslim leader: "No! Don't listen to these Kafirs! I here by declare a fatwa against George Bush for sending his unholy ship here to scare Muslims and shake their faith. Thanks to corruption, a few musalman politicians have the money and are willing to pay upto 51 crore for his head! Therefore now it is the duty of all Muslims worldwide to blow themselves up!"

Common Man: "Huh... but... who the hell ARE you?!?!"

Self-proclaimed Muslim leader: "Um... I'm the maulvi of the masjid in galli no. 57, kiaganj ilakha, district Bhatinda... but that doesn't matter! Down with George Bush!"

Amitabh Bachchan: "Whats going on here?!?! This is not an ad shoot! I thought I was invited here to endorse the USS Nimitz! I don't have time for this... Amar Singh Ji... you handle this please...."

Common Man: "But... but... Sir... wait..."

Amar Singh: "Our opinion of the matter is that this is a move by Mayawati to further harm the good name of Mulayam Singh Ji! We would like to request a CBI probe into the matter and would also like to ask the governor to to dismiss her government and invite us to form one!"

Mayawati: "What lies! These people are no good! Arre... after seeing so much space on the carrier deck... I am thinking of sending a proposal to the captain of the Nimitz to let me build an Ambedkar park there! With statues and fountains and everything!

Common Man: "Er.... another hundred crore Ambedkar park?!"

News Channels Representative: "They should re-name the USS Nimitz to USS Sunita Williams! So what if she is legally an American... so what if she wasn't even born here... so what if shes only been to India 3 times as a tourist to see the Taj Mahal?!?! Her name is Sunita and so she is Indian enough for us!"

Common Man: "Ummm......."

BJP/NDA Alliance: "Don't listen to these people! Bloody media always trying to expose innocent politicians! If it was up to us we would've never allowed them to enter our territory just like the U.S. didn't allow Modi to enter their territory! Nimitz has come to India because of the minority appeasement policies of the congress led government! Also, we have reasons to believe that this is a congress ploy to get their candidate to become President!"

Common Man: "Really? But.. how?..."

International Astrologers & Jyotshis Union Leader: "That doesn't matter! The planetary alignment is such that we will need perform some special rituals to counter the ill effects of the design of the aircraft carrier! You see, they have not made it according to Vaastu, or even Feng-Shui for that matter, and so, the negative energy generated from it is harming our economic growth and is actually responsible for the box-office disaster of Jhoom Barabar Jhoom!"

Common Man: "Wha..at..."

Congress Party: "Forget all this! The arrival of the carrier is a sign that its time for all Indians to elect Rahul Gandhi as their leader! Poor Dr. Singh has kept the seat warm long enough for our little baba to step up and take charge... so let us not wait any longer!"

U.S. Ambassador: "India and the U.S. have become such great friends now. There are a few problems remaining in the Civilian Nuclear deal but we are hopeful of reaching an agreement soon..."

Common Man: "But that has nothing to do with ANYTHING!"

Pakistani Ambassador: "Gee... better off your coast than mine!"

Common Man: "Why are you here?"

Pakistani Ambassador: "I heard there will be some South Indian food here... we don't get that in Pakistan you see..."

Indian Armed Forces Representative: "We have deployed a ship with radiation measuring instruments to monitor the Nimitz... and so far... there is nothing to worry about!"

Common Man: "Wow.. well.. that settles it for me! But now lets hear what the kids have to say..."

Kids of the Madarsa-i-azam: "Those white folks from the big ship were really nice... they came to our school and cleaned the whole place up.. they re-painted our walls and played with us too! We've been asking our local leader to do the same for years... on his last visit, his helicopter broke one of the two mud class rooms, but these nice people re-built them..."

Common Man: "Awwww... thats so sweet... and we are all looking forward to the rock concert."

Nimitz Commander: "Its been a very special trip and we made many friends! We shall not easily forget you!!"

Common Man: "Why thank you! We appreciate all that you did in your short visit here and hope that someday we can do the same! We shall not forget you either! But... er... where has everyone gone? The whole place is empty..."

Kids of the Madarsa-i-azam: "Actually... there has been a sting operation and its being shown on T.V.... every one has gone to see who was dumb enough to get caught this time!"

Common Man: "Oh... well... alright.. thats that! Time to go home and watch Indian Idol then!!"

Crew of the Nimitz cleaning up at Mararsa-i-Azam in Chennai

God bless India! :'-)

Fuck You Bheja Fry!!

2007-07-01T06:22:00.000+05:30

I've started to realize that I turn to writing when I'm most sad, distraught, hurt or angry. Its my escape... it makes me feel better... it gives me hope that if I put it out there, I might be able to counter what put me in that uncomfortable position in the first place. And today I return broken hearted by a movie. Something that was to provide a funny relief for the lazy afternoon turned into indignation and anger.

DTH television allows you to order movies. For about 75 bucks, you can watch from a select bunch of movies that they have. So we (me and my mum) ordered Bheja Fry. A very funny movie we had been told and something we were looking forward to watch for a long time! It was quite funny also actually till about the interval. After that came the rude shock. There is a Muslim character in the movie, Asif Merchant (played by Ranvir Shorey), who is supposed to be a caricature... of Muslims I'm guessing. So this fellow is an honest, hard-working officer of the IT (Income Tax) department who is a good friend of Bharat Bhushan (Viney Pathak). He is talented and does his job well... the only glitch?? His loyalties lie towards Pakistan! Atleast 15 minutes of the reel are dedicated to how Bharat Bhushan is supporting India (in a cricket match) and how Asif is supporting Pakistan! Not only that, there are clever dialogues like, "Saala khata idhar ki hai aur gaata udhar ki hai!" (Asshole eats from this country but supports that country). The director stretches it on till the point that he makes it clear that Muslims, no matter how good they are, support Pakistan, while the rest of the Indians are great friends with them and treat them well!

Really?!?!?!

Now I don't dispute that there are muslims in India who make no bones about supporting the Pakistani team vis-a-vis India, but is that the absolute case? Does that mean all Muslims are like that? I mean if you are showing something like that then wouldn't it be better to make sure that it doesn't send the wrong message out? And I don't think I'm making a fuss about nothing. Let me tell you why....

For the past two months, I been constantly debating Far right-wing Hindus on Orkut on various communities. I've come to understand that there is a lot of pre-assumption and mis-information that fuels the hatred. Now one of the things they say frequently is that Indian Muslims are Pakistani hearted! This is a gross stereotype and generalization! I've had a torrent time making them understand that this isn't the case and that I HATE such people myself! (For such debates, I have to talk in terms of religion i.e. Hindu, Muslims etc. to make my points cause these people take religion and God to be the ultimate truth. I cannot even start to argue with them that there might not even be a God!) So imagine that if popular cinema starts re-enforcing this stereo-type then? Is that good for us? Everyone is influenced by the movies that they see on some level! And what was even more shocking was that this was a 'multiplex movie'! Made for a niche audience who are supposed to know better than this! But surprisingly, I never heard a peep about this blunder.

I don't say that don't make fun of Muslims, please by all means... It wouldn't be fair if you didn't but also don't forget your social responsibilities when reaching out to such a large number of people! Don't re-enforce urban myths (all Muslims are loyal to Pakistan) and stereotypes. I mean, Black Friday (an awesome movie) also showed the same thing in a scene (Muslim kids celebrating Pakistani team's victory with fire-crackers) but they didn't stereotype. They were careful in showing that even though that happens, it is not true for all Indian Muslims! People need to understand that the method employed to convey a message is as important as the message itself!

Because some of us take it to the heart and are sick of our loyalties being questioned with wondering eyes every time you hear our name! :'-(

No-surprises then that neither me nor mum enjoyed the movie after that khaata-gaata (above mentioned) dialogue. Nothing was funny after that... we were both saddened and hurt. After a little while the movie ended. Mum in her own thoughts (she tends to think a lot when something strikes her heart) and me in my own (DNA inheritance :-p), we both quietly got up and went to our rooms, trying to find a reason... some justification... to why some people can be so stupid at times.

Good Idea! Lets disgrace the Presidency!!

2007-06-26T13:03:00.000+05:30

I think economically this country is going forward at Warp 10, but mentally, we are in a downward spiral that will be the end of this country as we know it. Everything that we love and cherish about it will be replaced by the warped perceptions of the few who pull the strings.

So Kalam uncle's term as President is coming to an end and all over the country, our elected representatives are shamelessly making a mockery of themselves, the post of the President and US!! First, they can't come up with any anybody, and if they do, it doesn't work out and finally after half a dozen false starts, UPA is backing Mrs. Pratibha Patil and NDA, Mr. Bhairon Singh Shekhawat. From NDA (read BJP), we can't really expect anything, they've been out of their wits since they lost power a few years ago but its the UPA who seem to have lost their minds now.

I didn't know much about Pratibha Patil... but from what did I know, I thought her to be a decent person. Her with-holding of the stupid/communal anti-conversion bill in Rajasthan as Governor is most commendable. But suddenly, it seems her nomination for Presidency has flipped her mind! Or maybe the real Pratibha Patil is coming out now. I mean... what is she doing? She doesn't know our history (Muslim 'invaders' brought the purdah system to India comment) and now it seems, she also talks to spirits (she claimed that she recently 'chatted' with the spirit of the Brahma Kumaris sect's founder at Mount Abu. He died in 1969 CE) !!!!!

So thats what we are doing now? We are replacing a scientist in Rashtrapati Bhavan with a loony? The CPI(M) thinks the whole country is an idiot. They say "We did not say a person has to be an atheist to be President. Her name was not given by a Baba" (Prakash Karat). Right... so Mr. Karat, what does 'not being an atheist' haveta do with talking to spirits? Is talking to Spirits a religion?

Really?!?!

I mean COME ON!! MAKING FALSE STATEMENTS ABOUT OUR COUNTRY'S HISTORY, BELIEVING IN SUPERSTITIONS?!?! Sure sure, in this country, a person has the freedom to do what he/she wants but do we want the first citizen of the Republic of India to being an ignorant, superstitious person?!?! Is there no one in this country better than her? This is so SO SOOOOO frustrating! And its not just that, she has cases against her in courts (She is currently one of the 34 respondents in an ongoing case in the Aurangabad bench of the Bombay High Court on the subject of mismanagement of a bank and misappropriation of funds by its Managing Directors). Also, she has been accused of shielding her brother who in turn is accused of murder! Though the last two allegations are subject to judgment by the courts, do we want a President who is standing trial? So, ignorant, superstitious and under-trail?!?! Really?!?! There is nobody better?!?! We are going to replace a national hero with that?!?!

I think we are... UPA (and hence the numbers) are behind her. The Third Front is useless and NDA lives in alternate reality... so UPA is going to have it their way... they'll shove a compromise candidate down our throats and claim that they've made history by giving us the first female President of India.

They've got tunnel vision I think.

Its going to be another leap backward for our country and a disgrace to the office of the President of the Republic of India.

Above: The people's President (Mr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam) and

Below: His likely replacement (Mrs. Pratibha Patil)

A toast to the Ju.Es. !!

2007-05-13T15:49:00.000+05:30

Bite me!! :-p

South Park Rocks!!

2007-05-09T04:47:00.000+05:30

Herez something I found on YouTube. Its the best 3D South Park animation I've seen yet. Enjoy!! :-D

The Great Indian Police Farce

2007-05-04T15:22:00.000+05:30

Every Indian knows that the Indian Police is not the greatest in the world. We know the many reasons behind it and more often than not we justify its various short comings and always find something or someone to blame for it. Well the facts are simple, there is too much political pressure (from small thefts to major scandals), every case has some big hot-shot pulling the strings of power to make the cops to do whatever he/she wants. Another fact is that our cops aren't exactly the best paid in the world either. They usually come from the very low stratas of society with little and sometimes even no education (considering only the ones below the rank of Inspector here). They pay scale is ridiculous and dangerous too. To lead a rather comfy life they usually look at other avenues for money and therefore they are more than ready to do the bidding of a person who can throw even a few hundred Rupees at them. So, there is no class, a lot of corruption and very low meaning of the term 'moral fiber'. Last but not the least, for about 99.999% of the Policemen, its 'just a job'. Nothing more than a way to provide sustenance for the family. And like all other government offices and jobs, they know that once in, there is a very little chance of being thrown out (barring ofcourse a big high profile scandal erupts with them at the center), so why work. Most of them have no problems with collecting their pay without moving their fat butts of out those rickety wooden chairs for days together. So why would a person want to go out and actually investigate anything when his job and pay is not dependent on it. Even though this is true, its not the absolute case. Ours is a functioning democracy, flawed but functional and for every idiot there is a wise person too. And it is these wise (or rather normal) people that keep the wheels of the force moving. Now what prompted me to write about the Police is an incident that happened not too long ago.

It was a day like any other when at about 3:30 in the afternoon I got a call from my little brother. "I think the 800 has been stolen", he said. "WHAT!?!?! Are you sure? How do you know?", I semi-yelled back. "It's not where I parked it. Its gone. Khali hai! (Its empty!) Just road!".

I told him to quickly rush to the nearest Police station and lodge and FIR (First Information Report). Its the first step in any case. Once lodged, its becomes a job for the police to carry out. They are obligated to investigate every lodged FIR and refusing to lodge an FIR is not an option. Ideally anyway. But in our great country, the first thing that comes to a cop's mind is how not to lodge an FIR. Anyway, as my brother and a few of his friends went from his college to the nearest Police station, I and my parents (shopping gleefully at the time) set out for the place too. My brother went and told the cops everything. They asked him to write everything down on a white piece of paper in both Hindi and English. My brother wrote down the sequence of events which culminated in him finding out that our beloved car was gone. The cops then dispatched an Inspector or Sub-Inspector to the crime scene with a friend of my brother. After we gave them the chassis number and the engine number, the cops radioed for our stolen car on their network. "Good good, that would help. This is going really well", we thought. By the time me and my parents reached the station, my brother and his friends were outside and waiting. We asked him if the cops gave him a copy of the FIR as they are supposed to but he said that when he asked for it, the guy lodging 'em said that it wasn't time for that yet and that they would do their karewahi (investigation) and then give it to us. Shaken because of the loss but thankful for the help we were getting from the Police, we came back home.

After talking to a few people we came to know that we were supposed to get a signed, stamped, computer generated receipt of the FIR and only then it would be considered lodged and we would be able to get insurance. So we decided to go to the station the next morning for the FIR receipt. The first thing we were told in a disgusting threatening way, the next day, when we asked for our FIR copy was, "FIR mazak nahi hai!! (FIR is not a joke!!)".

"Er... wha..at?"

What started after that were the endless rounds of the police station when time and again we were told to come the next day and the next day and the day after that!! Till finally one day, a cop in a payjama and the khaki shirt declared to my brother and uncle that no such FIR was lodged in that station. He even dared my brother to look up the complaint papers and try to find his. A challenge my brother readily accepted and promptly fished out the paper from a huge stack of un-official FIRs. It was then that my uncle decided to complain to the SSP (Senior Superintendent of Police) about this station and the officers. After a two hour wait, the SSP was on the phone with the officers asking why the FIR wasn't being lodged. He had expressed surprise at the FIR not being lodged and had said proudly, "It's the first time this has happened!".

Whaaa....at !??!! Really ?!?! And... Nithari is where ?!?!!?

(Nithari village, the location of those brutal rapes and mass killings that spanned a couple of years and came to light a few months ago, is not too far from this particular station. Then too the cops had refused to lodge missing person FIRs of the villagers as their children went missing over the years.)

"It's a fake case Sir", the cops from the station told the SSP, "the kids have lost the car and now have come to us to lodge an FIR because they are scared of their parents". My uncle started laughing and that hurt the SSP's ego. "Please don't laugh at the police!! Please don't laugh at the police!!", he growled, clearly unhappy with us, civilains, laughing at his people and him. He directed his people to lodge an FIR and expunge it later 'if they thought it was fake'.

Now will someone please tell me... how the FUCK does anyone LOSE a car ?!?! Either there is an accident or there is theft. I've NEVER... EVER... heard of anyone losing a car.... nor read about it... or even imagined it in my head... but here they were... our khaki protectors solving my car's case with such forceful reasoning !!

My uncle and brother left the SSP's office dejected. This fellow too was more interested in 'us laughing at the dumb police reasoning' than be horrified with the lax attitude of his staff. He too was one of them.

The next morning we finally got the FIR copy. The first step was over after FIVE full days. Something that usually takes half and hour took FIVE days. The investigation would start now.

Really?!?!

In the course of those five days, we were so harassed and troubled (our policemen aren't even the polite-est in the world) that actually finding the car and getting it back didn't even cross our minds. We lost almost all hope. Its been almost two weeks and I don't think I'll ever hear from the cops about my car. It was the smallest, weakest and oldest (at three years) of our bunch but it was also the one which got us thru the most. There was always that unique pleasure, a feel of driving that 800, which is gone now.

My friends told me about how this person's car was found the next day after being stolen but he didn't get to know of it for months because the cops who found it never bothered to inform anyone. In another case, an 800 was found again, 20 years after being stolen and the culprit was the driver, who by the way was still employed by the family!!

Anyhow... this whole incident made me think a lot about the police force and what can be done to improve it. Though I'm not in a position now to implement anything but some day I'd like to make difference here too. Some of the things I've thought about are:

1. The constabulary should be abolished.
2. Well educated individuals with skills should start off from Inspector/Officer position.
3. Pay should be increased and should be made relevant to to today's standards.
4. Training should be improved and upgraded.
5. The force should not be under the command of our criminal politicians so completely. (Recent case in point- The Sohrabuddin fake encounter episode on every news channel nowadays)
6. Good work should be rewarded accordingly to stop our cops from looking at other avenues for progress.

The day our police force stops taking it as just a job but rather takes the fair enforement of law seriously, the day that the pursuit of justice would be the reason that they would come to work and not just pay, the day that the cops would start setting an example by following the rules and not being the first to break them (as it is now) would be the day that they would actually earn our respect and trust and the right to wear that khaki and police our society. Right now donning the famed Khaki gives many of them a huge ego kick. They start believing they are the law rather than those who enforce it. And now I wait for the day when that would no longer be true and hope once again that I am able to do something in my life to change this silly pathetic situation.

Ironic

2007-04-17T00:45:00.000+05:30

Ummm... This I clicked one morning while returning from the airport after dropping a dear dear friend off...

I don't know who I should feel more sorry for.... the patient for whom the ambulance must've been speeding in the first place or the dumb-ass driver. I've never been a big fan of these sardine can vans that pass off as ambulances in our country. They can hardly hold a person lying straight. Besides that, with a patient on-board the driver gets a chance to sound the wailing siren and speed up regardless of the need.

Ass-wipes!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Poor Gere, He spends so much of his time, money and effort to help India fight the spread of AIDS over the years and one little innocent action from him causes all the fanatics to rise and curse him.

Poor guy didn't know then what was to come!! There he was, spreading awareness amongst our truckers (which can be quite daunting) and then he decides impromptu to put up a little dance move on for them. Takes Shilpa Shetty by surprise, but she doesn't mind, and I'm sure the truckers didn't mind much either..... but then..... whats the problems with these losers-

A bunch of average Indian idiots

I mean who asked you anything about anything?!?! But you just gotta get up and burn something!!

And on the same day a couple of fellow idiots from the same organization broke up the office of Star News in Mumbai. Now I'm not a great fan of Star News either (lousy tabloid channel) but I am against the suppression of free media by political goons for whatever reasons!

And by the way... Shiv Sainiks... what you guys are doing... is just another form of TERRORISM !! YOU FUCKING TERRORISTS !!

SUCKS MY BALLS !! :-p

Awwwww Hamburgers !!

2007-04-15T14:20:00.000+05:30

I don't get it... What did I do? Where did it all go? Suddenly all my external links, the little search bar and my stats counter are gone! Just gone!

Wait...

I did try the 'All new customization' option that blogger had but I hadn't saved nething...

could that be it ?

Dammit... I just don't have the energy to fix it right now... This is like extra work... it'll bug me the whole time... but... not now... Anyway.. if anyone is actually reading this... Any suggestions? Nifty little tools that I can put on my page? Maybe a nice stats counter? (Donno why but i'm just not able to log onto www.statscounter.com)

Anyhow... back to South Park !! :-D

A life less perfect

2007-04-14T19:03:00.000+05:30

In the eyes of the little boy, the early twenties seemed like a far away age. A time when he would wear a tie and a shirt and carrying a brief-case, go to work in a huge company. Earn lots of money because that’s the way it is to be. There is no other way. Then there would be nothing but playing sports on weekends… spending lavishly and doing all that the heart would desire. It was a given. There was no doubt. But then there wasn’t much doubt about a lot of things either. Sixteen meant the start of the golden age. High-school meant freaking out and being ‘the’ coolest kid around. Eighteen meant falling in love. The kid had all that he could want, given the freedom few his age got and allowed to be who he wanted to be. But time and again he felt he was wasn’t reaching the pinnacle of every age he had imagined about. But he was still happy, content…. Maybe a little silly… but good at life anyway.

Life changes you with experience. Sometimes you experience some things so powerful and so strong when you aren’t ready for them that they might affect you in ways you might never have deemed possible.

The boy wasn’t little anymore. Back now in his homeland but away from home and family. With his brother in tow, he lived his life on the second floor of a hostel in heart of the city. Pampered and used to a perfect life suddenly he was out in the open. Everyday seemed like a fight living amongst strangers. Not all were friendly and everyone wore masks. The loss of innocence started then. But he managed. He tried to be strong. Though he never said it and it might have even been silly. But he felt responsible for his little brother every second of every day. He had to be strong. He had to stand tall. He had to be tough so that in those lonely moments at night when they would remember home, the little brother could feel at peace that he had someone to count on sleeping on the upper bunk.

Days turned to months and months into years. It wasn’t all fight though. The boy made many friends. Fell in love and started leaving his mark in his new home. The last year of school had to be perfect but the ways of the hostel were different. What should have been the last hurray marked the turning point of his life.

The boy was a kid in his heart. Naïve and stupid. Many nights he would wonder why the girl that said she liked him was suddenly running away from him. He ran after her. Never blaming her but trying to understand. What it was… why…. He knew a little… but all he wanted was for her to stop… take a second and just tell him herself.

She didn’t and the last time they spoke, his heart was crushed into a million little pieces. It was puppy love… infatuation they told him. He hoped so… but he was shattered none the less. That night sitting with his best friend he felt for the first time his heart harden. He had cried hugging a friend that morning. That was it. That was the last time he would be weak. That evening his brother had asked him if he was ok… his little brother was concerned… he seemed unsure… The boy wouldn’t let that happen to his little brother. He was a rock for his brother and he couldn’t be weak! Silly? Maybe… but it made sense to him then… His best friend asked him again… He dismissed the notion of sadness… he was ok he said…

But not all can be fooled… and some things can take forever to get over… The next few months he spent without a smile… it didn’t come to him… he wanted to be happy but every time he saw her he would break a little inside… it might seem that you might reach a threshold sometime, but there are fools and then there was this kid. Such a hopeless romantic that he kept on breaking inside while rarely ever sharing his anguish with the people closest to him. They had to think he was strong. His brother had to know he was there for him.

School passed and he got back to home… this time in his homeland. But somehow the kid that his mother had sent away was different now… He wasn’t very open about things. The more she tried the more irritable he got. He had a wall around his feelings. Rarely letting the most intense ones out. The more he closed up the more the difference began. He thought that if he showed his broken self that lived inside him… the people around him… his family would make such a fuss that he wouldn't be able to handle it. He didn’t want to live through the memory of it with others. That was his own.

He lived two lives after that. One where friends and family knew he was difficult but didn’t know why. The other where he bared his soul on a cloudy Saturday night, standing on the terrace to most un-likeliest group of people who from then on became his secret keepers. To one he would be curt and at times rude just so that they couldn’t peak into his melted soul and to the others he would tell his dreams, hopes and wishes.

That group became the friends he could count on to show him a ray of hope in the most crushing hours. They might not meet or talk for days and months but whenever there is sorrow, one call and you are in the company of angels. Years passed and everyone went through their ups and downs.

The wall around the kid’s heart now was permanent and as much a part of this character as anything else that defined him. He also managed to develop an air of arrogance. He was argumentative. He never let his guard down. But he found reasons to be happy again. Over the years as he grew, though he still remained a kid, he wasn’t unhappy any more. Time they say heals everything. He wasn’t sure… but he wasn’t sad… he might not be who he saw himself to be, when younger, but defective as he was now… he was alive again.

But he had strained a lot of relationships and even his own character while trying to come out of the deep dark hopeless place where he had nothing better to do than to cry and wish her back. “I liked myself when I fist returned back to this country”, I once heard him tell a friend, “but I loved myself before I left for here”.

“I was everything I wanted to be”.

“My soul felt pure”.

“I had no secrets and no walls”.

“but most of all… I knew that the perfect life lay ahead.”

Maybe it was wishful thinking. Maybe it was childhood innocence. But the hopeful fool that he is…. He wonders still if it is possible. And everyday, he just wishes that there was some way to simply tell people around him that he loved them. To tell his mother he was sorry to be what he had turned out to be.

But the wall still stands guard.

My fracture & me

2007-03-04T18:16:00.000+05:30

A foots tale

Ainz

1:30 AM

Puri, Orissa

The sound of the heavy waves crashing on the beach are loud and drowned only by the slightly druken yells of the four boys playing soccer by the Pink Hotel. The film festival is winding down to its last screenings but our heros, a couple of beers and a bottle of wine down, are more interested in playing on the beach. A boy, who's nick name rhymes with a popular milk based Punjabi drink, lands the ball at his feet. Yours truely, goes out to challenge him and retrive the elusive sphere filled with air. The drink named boy moves towards the outer edges of the 'undefined' playing field. I move in... right led... he dodges.... swiftly with the left I try to block... he again moves it away... blindly and with a determined force I again move in my right leg... CONTACT !!! But wait... its not the ball... as a tromendous amount of pain shoots up from my foot to my head I realise that I might have hit his leg or rather (as I like to remember), his leg hit me !!

"Oh fuck !! Oh fuck !!", I jump about in my customary fashion. Pains like hell... but after a minute of terror I'm back in the game... I run... dodge... and score goals (Yes ! Actually ! Take that nay sayers !) and half an hour later I'm limping on the beach with the others as we feel the cold eastern winds breeze through our hair.

"Agar fracture hota, to teri phat gayi hoti! Tu chal nahi pata" (If it were a fracture, you would've lost it! Theres no way you could've walked), Lil' Piggy says to me the next day at Bhuvaneshwar Airport. Hmmm... makes sense... I've never had a fracture so I wouldn't know. I limp my way to the aircraft and back to Delhi.

3:30 PM, Next Day

Faridabad, Haryana

"There is a lot of swelling... eat lunch and we'll go get an X-ray", my mum tells me 20 minutes after I reach home. I quickly gobble down the mattar-pulao (these low cost airlines don't feed you) and limp my way down to the car.

5:30 PM,

New Delhi

"Hmmm.... I thinking that fracture this", says this idiot of a medical student holding my X-ray against the light. What he was pointing out was one thick line running thru the middle of my foot. "He is gotta be kidding", I mutter. And surely enough... like I had suspected, and as the doctor later pointed out, the fracture was in my fouth finger (from the left) on my right foot. The second bone from the top was broken. "Cast and for 3 weeks", he says out loud giving me a "this-is-what-happens-when-you-break-your-bone" look.

Son of a bitch.

Present Day,

Faridabad, Haryana

So here I am... six days later... getting adjusted still to the 'hopping on one leg routine'. The first three days were complete bed rest. I could only move using my grandma's walker. Hopping around. But now.... I've gotten one of them cast shoes... So I can imitate something that resembles a walk... but its any day better to be on your two feet than clinging onto some walker.

This three weeks house arrest is gonna get to me. My mind should not be allowed to sit idle for so long. I'll drive myself nuts. Luckly... I fly down south to family & cousins on a two city-ten day trip. The day I return will be the day the cast comes off... so now i'll be a limping tourist !!

Being semi-handicapped makes you appreciate the strenth and the courage of the people who haveta go through it fully and forever. Its embarassing to walk across a room while limping silly.. people give you all sorts of looks... I know I'll be out of it soon... but what bout the people who'll never be 'out of it' ?

Thats courage.

I've also been thinking... I think a broken arm is better than a broken foot. Atleast you arn't that confined. I mean... I can drive with one hand. Go watch movies... hang out with people... but a foot... you gotta rest it... can't put the whole weight on it the whole time. Hmmm... another interesting thing I heard on Seinfeld (great show) was... Whats the worst part of being blind ??

Apart from the fact that you can't see... Hmmm... I wonder....

Also I'm not gonna be able to drive for a month, (counting the Puri days) and that sucks !

View from the hotel window. The tiny red circle in the middle marks the approx. spot of my first fracture. Towards the upper left is the Pink House.

Trading one asshole for another

2007-01-05T22:12:00.000+05:30

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil,
is for good men to do nothing"

We live in a cynical world. There are different type of societies in this cynical world. There are different types of people in those cynical societies. And most are just assholes. I have forever believed that there is more good in this world than evil. That no matter how long evil rules, it is the good that wins. But then something strange started happening..... I started growing up.... started getting more mature. Today, perhaps I am a lot more mature than when I first started college. Then maybe I was a lot mature than when I started high school. But this concept lay firm in my mind. In good Vs. evil, good shall always win.

Then Sept 11 happened. I did not realise it then (as many others with me also), that it would in one way or the other impact my life. It didn't then and soon we were swept into the world of 'War against terror'. I cheered with the world when Taliban fell. I hated them. They were a shining example of what all was wrong with the world. Not just Islam, but also the human mind. As a citizen of this world I genuinely felt happy for Afghanistan as now it got a chance to rebuild itself and all those poor people who had suffered for so long, finally got a chance to live again. I also felt happy for America, its revenge had been lethal and effective. So they didn't manage to capture Osama, but they did manage to reverse the grim future of an entire country !

Then Godhra happened. For the first time in my life I actually realised the extend of hypocrisy of the adult world. The world I was now entering. The double standards of us Indians and the very hollow nature of India itself. Godhra didn't physically affect me. But mentally it did, after a couple of months. I couldn't believe how a person (Narendra Modi) would be allowed to live (let alone stay Chief Minister) after being responsible for the brutal murder of thousands of people. Indians raped Indians. Indians looted Indians. Indians killed Indians. And all the while Narendra Modi gave hate speeches. Telling Hindus to kill Muslims. Dividing Gujrat on communal lines. He succeeded. He got away free. The victims never got justice. Best Bakery case etc etc. all became a media game. India stood shamed, but its citizens didn't bother to see. In a billion people, who has the time.

Recently, Saddam Hussain was executed. Rather, he was murdered. In the same way that we see those terrorists kill innocent people in those grainy videos. Not that he was innocent. Nopes. Probably deserved to die for his deeds, but the manner in which he was killed, he seemed like the bigger person. In a dark dingy room, where the guards are too scared to even show their faces on camera, where un-ruly officials mock and jeer an old, broken man. He is hanged to the shouts of a militants name. Legally, Saddam Hussain was still the President of Iraq. By international laws, if a person is removed by force by his/her own people, in his/her own country, then he/she is considered 'deposed'. Didn't so happen in this case. Americans came, they saw, they made a mess of things, and they continue doing that. I couldn't help but feel sorry for the poor hag. In a country which was invaded on the pretext of 'democracy' and 'war against terrorism', I saw America and the 'puppet' Iraqi Government act like terrorists while a former dictator became a helpless victim. The trail may not be a farce, but it was far from conclusive. There was and still remains no credibility. Ladies and Gentlemen, thanks for watching 'The Trial and Execution of Saddam Hussian', the biggest staged production of 2006.

Saddam Hussein

(28th April 1937 - 30th December 2006)

Bush they say had been sleeping at the time. I say he's been sleeping for 6 years now and has just forced us all to be a part of his nightmare. We just traded Saddam Hussain and his evil ways for Bushussain and his harmfully dumb ways. Jackass.
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So, two days before the New Year, a whole bunch of people molested a girl at the Gateway of India while thousands stood by watching and doing nothing. They tore her clothes and tried to steal her phone all the while she cried for help and her male companion tried to protect her. But no help came. According to The Times of India, there were upto 70 guys trying to grope the girl. Thats a huge figure. And even if it was half of that, I feel ashamed. As I said earlier, India is hollow. Its people are dead. How great is the mob mentality here? and all for the wrong things? All those people standing by could decide to join in the molest fest but not even one found the courage to try to stop it? Is this the India I live in? I didn't think so... and I don't want a rude surprise now! But I feel it is in our nature to be scared and hippo-critical. I've been reading 'The Last Mughal' and so much that happened in 1857 Delhi is similar to whats happening in India now. Indians raped, looted, murdered Indians then and Indians rape, loot and murder Indians now. We don't need external enemies. We have ourselves.

The Horny bastard in the circle is one of the five people arrested so far

(Source : Mid-Day)

But I do see a ray of hope. A tiny light that tells me to hold on. Me, my friends and others like us. Our generation and the ones after us. We can change this sad state of affairs. Everyone around has so much potential. Lets do something dammit. The oldies have come and gone. The population will keep exploding, but if the general people are led in the right direction by the right people, the society as a whole can evolve. We have no leaders today. Nobody who is without blame. No statesman to lead us. No chief to inspire us. We stroll along the highway of the world all the while other countries rush past us. People need to believe that we can be to the world tomorrow what America is to them today. There needs to be someone who can push for that and lead us all to that. To keep our faiths strong. To not let our resolve waiver.

Mr. Manmohan Singh is a good economist, a decent politician. But not the leader of Alexanderic proportions that we need. Its time for that leader to stand up. Will it be you? or me? Lets decide already, cause there are a lot more blood thirsty Narendra Modis out there eyeing that chair.

I, Astronaut

2006-12-14T18:09:00.000+05:30

I've just had a good laugh... the reason I cannot write here at this moment because I'm at work and the 'butt' of the joke is around.... (Heehee)... Can't stop snickering...

Anyhow... I've been remembering a lot about this one time when I participated in a fancy dress competition.. it was like in 10th or something... See... this friend of mine and me had decided to dress as astronauts... and thats no easy feat... it was his idea... The plot was to wrap ourselves up in Aluminium foil all over from head to toe.... we would have a backpack... ISRO logos, helmets etc.... the whole works... so we enrolled and gave our names...

Now this friend that I had teamed up with... we fought all the time.... we were the best of friends but we fought more than the number of meals we ate ! (Kids.. what are you gonna do?) So... about a week before the event... we fought... and my friend decided not to participate... I decide to go on with it... But I had no clue what to do ! Never the less.... I gathered all the material and on that fateful day reached my school early to get ready. As always... the kids not participating were helping others get ready... and I needed all the help I could get... The number of foil boxes alone was enough to attract the maximum number of curious kids... The friend I had fought with even helped... it was his plan and I trusted him to do a good job.. Anyhow... the process began... I wrapped foil on my legs... wrapped it around my chest and everywhere in between... I put foil on my helmet... It took a lot of tape (duct tape) and a lotta glue to get everything in place... But then to my horror... I COULDN'T MOVE !! I mean I could move if I wanted to but if I did.... the foil was tearing off or simply jus falling off...

CURSES !

So we decided to get to the auditorium (from class) and fix up the damage there... And so I walked past the hundreds of kids looking at the strange foily creature walking by (my school then had 10,000 students and was the third largest school in the world!).. So... we reach the auditorium and my 'suit' had taken a lotta damage... we fix it up and we wait my turn... I'm standing like a statue... and things started itching in the most 'remote' places... and there is nothing I can do... tick tock tick tock... And they call my name...

Yaaaeee...

I start crawling towards the launch line... from there I intended to do a slow motion bounce type walk to imitate the lesser gravity of the moon... So I start... One small step for me and a giant leap for fake aluminium space suits ! Bounce one... a huge chunk of foil cracks open and falls from my right leg... bounce two... some falls from my arms... bounce three... I'm shedding foil ! With a little Indian flag in my hand I wave to the laughing crowd... Son-of-a-Bitch (I think in my head)... I must've lost almost 20% of the foil... if I was on the moon I would've died by now ! Anyway... so I bounce my way to the back of the stage... There, me and my 'crew' help me get out of the 'suit' ! Mission Accomplished !

I went and joined the crowd.. sat down with my friends and watched other people make an ass of themselves on stage... Some people liked what I did... others thought I was just nuts... but hey... I did get a special consolation prize from the judges just for the effort !! :-D

That event led to a whole series of jokes... This one friend of mine from tuition loudly declared that I was now the first man to 'un-dress' on the moon ! Heehee... and I remember that best !

Thats one for the Indian Space Program !! ;-)

Of breaks, movies and pounding the Germans !!

2006-11-27T15:08:00.000+05:30

Alright... I know I'm not going to be writing here very often now... This is like my first post in two weeks !! And so much has happened... so I've decided that I'm going to be writing in 'bursts'. A periodic update to flush out my system. It usually takes a while for my brain to get so messed up that I feel the need to explode. Today its not time... but on the other hand... I have 'time'. So this past week.... I WAS ON VACATIONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN !!!!!! :-D

Ooooooh yea !!! Finally... After a year of slogging off for Boss and Company... I was given a week off !! Fuckin' surprising cause it all happened so quickly and so out of the blue !! So... what did I do ?? Well... I did wanna go out of station... maybe to some hill station... but as fate would have it... (or my fraaandsss)... I didn't go beyond Noida (almost a suburb of Delhi). But I did have fun !!

I completed downloading the entire season 10 of South Park !! I even watched most of 'em.... I downloaded Love Actually (saw a little on T.V. and its brilliant) but didn't see it... Completed a major part of this project I am doing with my friends... C.B. Helped Mum organise a major family feast... got new a battery for my watch (fun ?) watched all the movies I wanted to (the new Bond film is cool) and basically did all that I would if I didn't have this job to go to !! It was like living again... I got back my life !!

And now I'm back... I'm sitting in office typing this !! I have a frekkin' night shift... the editor will come at 8 PM but I was called at 2 PM !!

I reached at 3 !!

If things go smooth then I should be able to leave by 1 or 2 AM... reach home by 3 or 4 AM (Gurgaon sucks) If I just didn't come back from a break... I would've exploded !! But now my rubbish taking abilities have been refreshed and I can take a lot more crap...

Also... this week I was able to play CIVILIZATION III once again !!! I havn't been able to get my hands on Civ IV but I love this game... couldn't complete it... but.. thats the beauty of it... anyhow... I AM a world Super Power right now... the only ones that come close are the French (half my power)... the Germans were close too but I made a grand alliance and pounded them outta Europe... next are the French... then the Indians... the only ones with any power...

Anyhow... There is a office picnic tomm (yyyaaaaeeee ??) and I need to sign my name on a pink chart to show my support... so... off to that now...

where is that fuckin' pen ?!?!?!

Of dark days and thy time flows

2006-11-11T13:33:00.000+05:30

So I've been busy. There has been much drama in my life in the past few days. Last weekend, I saw Jaanemann and Don (two Bollywood movies). Now Jaanemann is a musical... even by Indian movie standards... but lemme tell you this... its is a frekkin masterpiece in terms of camera work, lighting, editing and direction ! Its Brilliant ! I'd say this movie should be a case study in film schools (I'm a student of films and direction)! The way they have played around with the lighting to change the scene or the mood is awesome. Its like watching a play on the big screen ! I liked it for all this. Then Don.... hmmm... after Jaanemann... it seemed like an amateur effort ! Shockin, cause Farhan Akhtar is one of my favourite directors ! But with this movie... naaa.. it didn't have his touch to it ! What ever stories Farhan Akhtar picks from his own life or experiences (Dil Chata Hai, Lakshya) are brilliant... borrowed ideas don't seem to work too well for him... The movie is ok... its too fast in the beginning.. too slow in the middle and then rushed up again in the end ! Sad... cause i was looking forward to it for a looong time!

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On Monday, I learnt about the death of a relative. My Nanni's cousin brother. Nanni being Mother's mother ! He died of injuries sustained in a freak accident with a motorcycle. Some youths were speeding in Aligarh and hit him. He was taken to the hospital but was badly injured. The culprits family pleaded not to tell the police and agreed to take care of all medical costs Meanwhile Riaz Nana (my injured relative) went into coma because of the injuries. He died Monday and now its a police case. The pain for the family shall not end quickly!

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There was this girl I knew in school. Three years my junior... she was a packet of joy. Bubbly and full of life, she always made very interesting conversations... I remember the last time I talked to her (about 4 and 1/2 years ago) she made me laugh silly about something. She was a brilliant student and even became the head girl in 12th grade. She was a Star Wars fan and once has an interesting talk with my brother about it. Well... last Saturday (5th Nov' 06), she killed herself. Shot herself in the head with her father's gun. Her father is a senior policeman in Haryana. It came in the papers on Monday... but I got to know only on tuesday when my brother told me. Her name was Mrinalini Rai... I could never pronounce it right. I still cannot understand... Its so unreal... she was the kind of person that you'd expect to talk a person OUT of committing suicide... she was larger than life... she could have done so much in her life... the life that she ended at 18! They say the suicide note points to depression... but it doesn't seem right ! :-( I didn't know her all that well... but she had touched my life and I remembered her... and now I feel that something inside my head has died too... she was a real person I knew and now she is gone... in this horrible fashion... drives home the dark side of life.

Her death has been the more difficult of the two to come to terms with. I guess I connected with her more, however little the contact. Her Orkut profile is http://www.orkut.com/Profile.aspx?uid=8024033311068817445

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Work has been a total bitch. Constant stress! Incredibly ridiculous deadlines and constant expectations of meeting them is taking a toll on me. Its amazing how far people will push you if you can get things done. I just feel like taking off now... getting away from it all!!

I don't know how much longer I can take this...

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Today I saw Umrao Jaan (another Indian flick). Its a remake of an 80's classic and a horrible one to that. J.P. Dutta should stick to making over-the-top war movies. He got nothing right in this one and with a running time of over 3 hours... its a pain ! Everything is way off ! The historical accuracies, the culture of that time, the quality and style of clothes, the jewellery, the people, their language and their behaviour and the simple pronunciation of Urdu words! NOTHING was right! Now... I come from a well off Muslim back-ground and so the errors might have seemed more obvious to me... but still... if a person is making a grand remake and pouring crores of rupees in it... then the least they can do is make it a bit authentic and do a little research! And also Mr. Dutta... a period film doesn't mean that everything in it should look dilapidated! The houses and all in the movie look like they've been un-inhabited for decades... flakes coming off the walls and all... least you could touch em up a bit!

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So thats that... tomm I go to watch 'The Departed'... and that should be fun !!

Of an Australian pervert !!

2006-10-29T15:39:00.000+05:30

First things first...

Hang the bastard... hang the bastard... HANG THE BASTARD !!

This man...

Sheikh Taj Aldin Al Hilali - Considered to be the senior most Mufti in Australia and New Zealand

is a pervert !! A horny, frustrated and bitter man who also is the new bench-mark of shallowness !! This so called 'religious leader' had the following to say about women...

"If you take out uncovered meat and place it outside on the street, or in the garden, or in the park, or in the backyard without cover, and the cats come to eat it ... whose fault is it, the cats' or the uncovered meat's?"

He said this in reference to rape ! So lets get this straight... he thinks women are just 'meat'... he also thinks that it is the women's fault if she gets raped... hmmm... also... he had this to say about how women should 'avoid' rape...

"If she (a woman) was in her room, in her home, in her hijab, no problem would have occurred."

Right... so... women are meat... Its their fault if they get raped... and... a women's place is in her home behind a veil... hmmmm... why havn't the Australians prosecuted him already ?!?! This guy said all this with conviction, to a large gathering and after all this time... he is still a senior leader in the Australian muslim clergy ?!?! Amazing ! I'm ashamed on behalf of the Australian Muslim ! You guys suck ! That's for showing your support to him ! How far has religion altered your minds that you cannot differentiate between religious teachings by a pious man and rubbish flowing out of a perverts mouth ?!?! Its amazing ! And because of the outcry from the 'general public' after these remarks... all that he is forced to do is take a three month 'vacation' ! That's punishment ? Wow !

I understand freedom of speech and all... but come on ! The Australian Muslim community can't let this happen ! This dude claims to represent you ! He is considered a senior leader in your world ! Do these views of his represent your views too ?!?! Why can't we stand up for whats right and not support a jerk just because he belongs to 'our' religion ?!?!

Today he speaks like this... tomm he might act in a similar manner... this is the stuff fundamentalists are made off... wake up Australians (of all religions)... there is a perv in your midst !!

No no... The press got me wrong... what I really meant was that I like fantasizing about sexy women while I'm screwing a piece of meat !

The Imam who stole Eid !!

2006-10-26T01:21:00.000+05:30

What is this bloody world coming too when you can't even have one decent festival without some self-emphasizing jack-ass ruining it for everyone ?!?! I'd like to ask this man...

Mr. Bukari, Shahi Imam of Jama Masjid, New Delhi

WHATS THE BIG IDEA ?!?!?! What the hell made you decide at 1:30 in the morning that the next day would be Eid when all evening you could see no new moon ?!?! Or did you see some magical moon that no one else could ?!?!

Because of this man... Delhi and Jammu & Kashmir celebrated Eid on the 24th of Oct '06 where as actually it was supposed to be on the 25th of Oct '06 (as celebrated everywhere else). How excited was he that he just couldn't wait to declare Eid ?!?! According to me this year we didn't have any Eid ! Cause there was no credibility left ! It caused so much confusion ! People's schedules, plans and leaves, all got messed up. I mean everyone KNEW it was on 25th but no... you are sleeping in the middle of the night and BAM ! Its Eid !! Good luck trying to manage your life now ! Its this kind of rubbish behaviour that makes everyone think maulvs are nuts !

I personally had applied for leave from work for the 25th ! But then Eid was declared on 24th and there ! I had to go to work and then take a half day ! And I didn't like it ! I don't even celebrate Eid all that much but the sheer stupidity that took place really pissed me off ! So now people think they are that important that they can just hijack an important festival and celebrate it whenever they like ?!?! Tsk tsk... and then you ask why the world is at odd with Muslims ?!?! Cause people like you make us all look like fools ! Imagine, its supposed to be a govt. holiday on Eid... and the confusion that resulted this time around ! And what about those poor Muslim govt. employees ?!?! They know that the real Eid is on the 25th but they haveta go to work then cause the govt. listened to Mr. Bukhari and 24th was declared a holiday ! Dumb ass ! I don't get the different day Eid funda of Middle-east (Its one day earlier there than in India, even though the time difference is just two and half hours) but this just takes that dumbness to a whole new level... different days in the SAME country !?!?!?!

Mr. Bukhari.... please control you emotions... we are not going to blindly follow every dumb thing you say or do just because you are the 'Shahi Imam' !! You blew it this year... but next year can we please have our Eid in a decent and dignified manner ?!?! Without any controversy ?!?! Huh ? What say you ??

Please... I think everyone would appreciate that !!

Three births and a party !!

2006-10-19T13:12:00.000+05:30

What a day 18th October is... our story starts 20 years ago...

18th October 1986, a prince was born. Second in the line for the Ramzanion throne and the Ainzanion Empire. Everyone calls him Muffy, I call him MONSTOR! My little brother...

Yesterday, he celebrated his 20th birthday... he and his friends rocked the house. I've never seen the place more dirty than it was after they were thru! But, in the end, if you'd ask me... he took way too much time! I mean come on! I've been 22 forever now and he just made 20 ?!?! Grumble grumble...

18th October 2006, I became a 'daddy's work friend'!! :-(

Yesterday, a colleague of mine had a baby daughter! A few years from now when the kid can understand words, my friend is gonna tell her about 'Ahmer uncle'!! DAMMIT!! It freaks me out! Already kids on the street say "Unkil... can you pass the ball?" AND I DON'T EVEN LOOK THAT OLD!! Sniff sniff...

18th October 2006 (again), I became the supreme elder brother!! :-D Yesterday, another prince was born! The 7th brother (counting all cousins, we are now seven brothers and one sister)... came into this world. He completes my Mamu's (mother's brother) family.

His Royal Highness, Prince Baybee of Ainzania

Welcome to the world little brother!! :-D Now... the whole family is going to go into the 'for the first time' craze. We celebrated his first poop yesterday... and thats just the beginning!! But... I don't care... its cool... you don't get a little baby brother everyday you know!! ;-)

Ainz is in the building !!

2006-10-18T14:27:00.000+05:30

Aaaaahhhh.... I've moved !!! Finally !! Hmmm... I've gotten all my blogs.... and I've gotten all my comments !!!! So.... yea ! This is like my first Blogger entry !!! Yaaaaaeeeee.... I shall write a goodbye note on my MSN Live Spaces blog... cause even though MSN policy sucks (only MSN registered users can leave comments)... i liked my space !!

Also, a BIG THANK YOU to Kartik, for telling me about the date manipulation funda !!! ;-)

Later Update :

I've written my last goodbye on MSN Live Spaces and am totally 'Blogger Boy' now !! Yaaaeeee....

Damn Microsoft !

2006-10-18T01:02:00.000+05:30

This post was first published on 18th October 2006 at 01:02 AM on my previous blog

So... its true... I had been told by Kartik... and today... I know for sure... One CANNOT post comments on MSN Live Spaces if he/she doesn't have a MSN id !! Therefore... only people with accounts on MSN can leave comments on my blog.... and since I know that MSN Live Spaces isn't very popular, this dumb Microsoft rule is restricting a lotta people from leaing any comments here...

I tried to get around it a lot today but.... I guess there isn't a way... yet. But what the hell... Screw them... I've had an un-used Blogger account for almost two years now and I'll move into that ! Just gotta figure out how to take all my blogs with me... Hmm... I am also going to delay my posts and only put up something new on Blogger now...

Setting up now... hope to be back in action soon !!

Stop whining !

2006-10-12T15:49:00.000+05:30

This post was first published on 12th October 2006 at 03:49 PM on my previous blog

Lately, the popular Google owned networking site Orkut, has been getting a lot of attention in the Indian press. The reason ? Well, there exist some 'communities' on that site that are spreading hate against India. There are a number of communities that even have their names as 'I Hate India'. Well... anyone who regularly uses Orkut (like myself) will not be suprised by this. Infact, we regularly keep getting posts and messages from fellow Indians giving links of such communities so that we can 'report them as bogus' (Orkut provides that option). Now it seems some hot-blooded and extremely patriotic Indian has launched a complain with the Aurangabad high court asking them to do something about it. Maybe block those communities or ask Google to delete them or maybe even block Orkut from India. Hmmm... to that person, I'd like to ask... WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU ?!?!?! CAN'T YOU FIGHT A BATTLE WITHOUT RUNNING TO YOUR MOMMY TO HELP YOU OUT ?!?!

Geeezz ! Thats the fuckin problem with us Indians ! We'd rather avoid the problem than face it ! Asking the High Court just shows that we are losers and cannot handle a few punks online. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT ? ALL INDIANS TO BE LABELED AS LOSERS AND CRY BABIES ?!?! Come on now ! Everyone knows that if there are 'I Hate India' communities then there also are 'I Hate Pakistan' comminities being run by Indians ! But we don't see the Pakistanis crying and running to their courts ! If you are so hurt by them, then report them as bogus or complain to Google personally or fight them from within ! YEA ! THATS RIGHT ! Lemme tell you how....

A few weeks ago, I got a link for a 'I Hate India' community and the sender asked me to report it as bogus. I clicked on the link and went on to the main page. Before reporting, I wanted to see what rubbish 'those' Pakistanis were writing against us. I checked out their various threads and you know what... I WAS FUCKIN SUPRISED ! It wasn't a 'I Hate India' community at all ! It had been hijacked by a number of Indian Orkut users and they were all flooding it with pro-India slogans ! Infact, if any anti-India posts were made there would be 10 pro-India posts for it ! It was amazing ! Only the name had 'hate' for India... everywhere else... it was totally pro-India ! I was so inspired ! Thats the way to do it ! THATS HOW YOU FIGHT BACK ! Our fellow citizens went to the root of the problem and destroyed its very core ! I didn't haveta report it as bogus ! There was no need !

So the next time someone sends you a link to a hate site, think about this method ! Defeat them at their turf and only then will you get the sweet sweet taste of victory ! If you keep crying foul and running to the courts then you are just making us weak ! And let me tell you this, if Orkut is blocked from India, then the biggest losers will be us Indians ! Indians are the third biggest group of users on that site ! Blocking it (or those communities) will not make them go away ! They will still exist and keep on making fun of us ! If you want them to shut down then fight them and destroy them ! Lets face our problems ! I would like to request Google and Orkut to let the communities be... we'll take care of them ourselves ! Just the collective farts of our billion citizens will be enough to blow them all away !! :-p

Aaarrgghh ! I be tagged !

2006-10-11T17:48:00.000+05:30

This post was first published on 11th October 2006 at 05:48 PM on my previous blog

Tagged by Kartik

It should be noted that I am extremely unhappy with my job and office right now and so a little part of my frustration might actually show up here.

What is the best thing about my workplace ?

Free high speed Internet. Thats it. I bring my Lappy along... plug it in... and surf all day long. (I am supposed to work, but now, I have very successfully learnt the art of looking busy !)

What do I hate about my workplace ?

Its in the next fuckin state ! I haveta drive about 80 kms everyday (coming and going). Not to mention 70% of my income actually goes into the fuel to reach work !

What small irritants at the workplace really annoy me ?

Passing the buck, in work or blame. No matter who screws up, in the end, if you arn't loud enough defending yourself, you'll be blamed ! And also the way people say double meaning things to point fingers at you ! AAAARRRGGGGHHHHH !!!!

Describe the actions/quirks of the weirdest person I work with (can be a co-worker, employer, or a vendor if you are self employed)

There is this one dude who refuses to wash his hands everytime he uses the loo ! I've seen him wag his thing, zip up and walk out ! I mean, the wash basin is like a feet away ! USE IT YOU DIRTY BASTARD !

(I've got a mild case of cleaniness disorder)

What is one thing that I would change at my workplace to make life a helluva lot better?

Make myself the BOSS ! I'd fire all the losers who know nothing and make the most noise ! Anything less than that is still a pain in the ass !

Pick five songs that I'd like played at my funeral......

Hmmm... I've given this a lot of thought and couldn't really come up with anything. Also I don't think there are many songs that would be worthy enough to be played at 'my' funeral ! :-p So, I think i'd rather like to go with just music. So lets see....

1. Theme of The Truman Show
2. Theme of Apollo 13
3. Theme of Saving Private Ryan
4. An original composition by Hans Zimmer (composed to honour me)
5. An original composition by A.R. Rehman (again, in my honour)

Accompanying this I would also like, a 189 gun salute and detonation of a nuclear warhead (to dig the hole for my grave), all syncronised with the music !

And now... I pass it on to Axa, Andi, Smellygator and Muffy !! Eat my shorts !! :-p

Of Evolution, Intelligent Design and The New Earth Creationists

2006-10-08T14:29:00.000+05:30

This post was first published on 8th October 2006 at 02:29 PM on my previous blog

People might think i'm obsessed with religion and religion vs. science arguments. But there are some things that I just need to get out of my system !

A few days ago, I did a bit of reading about the great debate on the 'origins' of earth and human beings (evolution vs. intelligent design) and well, I think it cannot get anymore dummer than this ! I mean some parents are actually insisting that 'Intelligent Design' be taught in 'Science' classes in school ! Science classes ?? What the hell does science haveta do with Intelligent Design ?? Infact what does 'schooling' haveta do with intelligent design ? Evolution is taught because it is a part of out presently accept notions in science. Intelligent design is nothing of that sort ! Then how does it merit the status of being taught in school ? If you want to teach 'your' kids that Darwin was wrong and that 'God' actually did it all, then take him/her to your helpful family priest ! Or tell him/her that yourself ! But why are you insisting on shoving 'this' down everyone else's throats too ?? Just imagine... on one hand teaching an entire generation of kids about evolution and how we evolved from monkeys and on the other hand telling 'em that thats all crap and 'God' intended us to be this way and hence we are ! Those poor kids won't know what hit them ! Now I believe in 'live and let live', but when things start getting screwed up on a larger scale then it really pisses me off ! I cannot imagine my kids ever learning about 'Intelligent Design' in school and then actually pretending that it has anything to do with science.

Personally I believe in evolution. It is the most likely explanation and a lot of evidence over the last couple of hundred years has pointed towards it being correct. But, I'll also grant that widely accepted science theories in the past have also failed at times and have been replaced by a better understanding of the past. None the less, evolution holds for now (and maybe for quite a long time to come) and is rooted in science. Facts and discoveries are used to validate it. It existes still because everything that we have discovered so far has led us to believe in it. On the other hand, the same is not the case with 'Intelligent Design' and 'New Earth Creationists'.

Before going any further, let us first understand what theory acutally means in todays science. It means a fact or established truth which is based on/validated/proved by other already proven facts. Therefore a 'theory' is not some idea that someone had. For example, earlier on we had the 'gravitational laws' or the 'magnetic laws', they weren't called theories but laws. Today we have the 'big band theory', 'quantum theory', 'theory of realtivity' etc. Now this doesn't mean that just because earlier ones were called laws then they are established truths, but rather, the term 'theory' means that in todays science. A theory is a fact based on other previously proven facts !

Of Evolution : The dude Darwin basically said that life first started off in the warter as single cell organisms and then devoloped to more and more complex beings as millions and millions of years passed and human eventually evolved out from apes. Also that all this was a random event and its just a matter of chance that it happened on this planet. This is widely taken to be the 'most logical' and 'scientific' answer to the 'where the fuck did we came from' question. All scientific evidence points to it. Till now atleast.

Of Intelligent Design : Now the people who believe in this say that human beings are too 'complex' and 'special' to have evolved from monkeys or algae. They say that some kind of higher intelligence (Mostly God) intended us to be this way and we have turned out to be, cause humans are just too 'smart' and 'special' to be a product of 'chance' and 'random occurance' (yea right!).

Of The New Earth Creationists : According to me, they are the worst of the lot ! Now these people claim that not only did God create man and that evolution is rubbish but also that the earth is just a few thousand years old and not millions as 'many' scientists claim ! ARE YOU KIDDIN ME ?!?!?! The worst part is that they pretend to validate their claims by science. I have read their reasoning and ITS FUCKIN CRAP ! Its NOT science.. ITS RUBBISH ! This one dude runs some natural reserve somewhere. There is an active volcano nearby. He points to the recent destuctive activities of the volcano and the effect it had on the surroundings and says that 'look ! a volcano just changed the entire place in a matter of hours! you don't need millions of years for it'. WoW ! You must have done your majors in geology ! :-p They say that the geological activity of the earth could have made it into what it is in a matter of a few thousand years. Hmmm... I got a few questions for you...

1. What about carbon dating ?
2. The fossils we find all the time ?
3. Coal and Oil that you dump up in your BBQs and SUVs ?

Very basic, please tell me how your 'science' can explain these happening in a matter of a few thousand years ? They also say that "oh! Evolution is just a 'theory'!"... Well... then you don't know what science is buddy (read what theory means a little uppar) !

Then I just don't get these American parents ! Whats with them ? The more devoloped they get, the dumber they seem to be getting. I mean you guys really don't have anything better to do than to push for an un-proven concept like 'Intelligent Design' in schools ?!?! If its a matter of faith then keep it to yourself, its supposed to be a very personal thing ! Teach it to your kids and tell it to anyone who might wanna hear, but trying to make it compulsary in schools ? Very irresponsible! Not only are you just going to confuse young kids but also make a mockery of science and everything that we as 'people' have discovered and achieved till now !!

I don't really think we 'humans' are anything special. To err is in our nature, we sin non stop, weakness is always in our hearts and so are selfishness and hippocarcy. I believe thats its a BIG 'CHANCE' that life devoloped on this planet! We could have ended up like Mars or Venus but we were lucky. I also think there must be more 'other' races out there who deserve more attention from God. We ain't nothing special !

And if indeed there was a 'higher being' who led to our creation then his role must have been limited to the primary atom which exploded to make the universe (big bang) or alternatively maybe some alien race decided to have a little experiment on earth and see how life evolves here.... BUT IN EITHER CASE... EVOLUTION STILL STANDS ! Some 'higher being' just moulding Adam and Eve in his lab and sending them down to earth just to populate... well... seems.... like a fairy tale (good to hear, hard to digest) ! And is definately NOT science !

I sense a change in the winds

2006-10-05T13:47:00.000+05:30

This post was first published on 5th October 2006 at 01:47 PM on my previous blog

I'm a war freak. Don't get me wrong ! I don't crave for wars... rather they facinate me. Historical wars.. all of them. They signify the brightest and the darkest aspects of the human mind. From the greatest blunders to the just causes. I think the two world wars defined the world as we know it today. It is because of them that the human race is where it stands today. The accelerated scientific growth during those brief periods pushed us beyond the 'then' accepted boundaries ! I really think that despite all the death, destruction and atrocities, the two big wars did leave behind their benefits.

Now, I've always maintained that there isn't going to be a 'Third World War'. I think the human race has grown smarter than that. I really don't think any leader of any country, no matter how much noise he/she makes, will not 'actually' use a nuclear warhead and trigger a nuclear war. I know, a lot of people will disagree and throw a couple of names saying so and so will use it and all but I think one really needs to have XXXXXXXXXL sized balls to push that red-button. But now, I sense a change in my mind. I think there is a possibilty, and quite a good one, that we may haveta face a big one in our life times. And its not going to be nation vs. nation, rather now I believe its going to be religion vs. religion. After (and due to) the events of 9/11, our world is getting increasingly polarised on the basis of religion. How long before all impartial voices are drowned ? How long before everyone is forced to choose a side ? The battles have already started. Today, I can still take comfort in the fact that its secular states vs. extremist idologies. But what if this changes ? Can there really be a winner in a religion vs. religion war ? And what of the victor then ? How will they re-establish order based on a religion ? What happens to the secular democracy that we crave ? I really don't connect democracy with religion ! I don't think they can go hand in hand totally. Always, somewhere down the line, democracy is strangled. There are no true religious democratic states. I mean, I cannot see a maulana or sadhu or even the Pope as a credible head of state !

If there indeed is a world war in our future, rest assured, its going to be more devastating than anything that this planet has ever seen. Already the nature of war has changed. The front lines are everywhere. There are no 'battlefields' anymore. You cannot tell a civilian from a combatant untill that bomb strapped on his chest blows up in your face. So... who decides who to shoot and who to leave ?

As we can all see from the American mis-adventure in Iraq, victory is a relative term.

Ouch ! Piracy hurts !!

2006-10-02T18:51:00.000+05:30

This post was first published on 2nd October 2006 at 06:51 PM on my previous blog

Today, just a little while ago, I got a taste of what it is like to be standing on the other side of the priracy divide. Sniff... So there I was, logging on today after a day of activities in the 'real world' and I decided to check up on my email (Now the percentage of useful mail that anyone gets in a single day is always negligible but we check it religiously anyway). Got a couple of useless spam crap mails and a couple of forwards from an old old friend of mine. Deleted the spam and clicked on the first forward (almost mechanically) and hmmm... something about being a better Muslim and all... read through it... next... AND WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ?!?!?! WHOA ! HOLD THE PHONE... HOLD THE PHONEEEEEE !!!!!

:-o

I recognised what was written right away ! 'I' had written it ! A looooong time ago but had only decided to post it on my blog a few days ago ! It was all me ! So i scrolled up and down... no... NO... NO CREDIT ! I check the mailing list... its been forwarded to all contacts.... ALL CONTACTS !!

:'-/ All contacts from Orkut... thats like sending it free across the planet ! And without even a simple acknowledgement ! The blog was 'Un-Official Road Rules and Laws of Delhi'. Also, Delhi had been changed to India to make it relevent to everyone. I promtly mailed a protest to my friend but I guess the damage has been done. Its 'out there' now... in the public domain !

So... this is it... this is what it feels like. Maaaaannnnn... Piracy blows... The worst part is that I was going to send that blog to this publication and now... Damn disappointed.

Hmmm.. but can't even blame my friend. Bet he didn't really think about what he was doing. I knew him for a long time and am pretty sure he meant no harm. I only wish people are more careful. What makes us think that we can just take anything off the Internet and its ok ? We all do it all the time. Only this time I am at the 'other' end of the stick !

Part 4 and it ends here !!

2006-10-02T18:26:00.000+05:30

This post was first published on 2nd October 2006 at 06:27 PM on my previous blog

Part 4 of the 'Love' series !

Hey Andi, sorry for talking so long to write back but i gotta little busy with stuff. Anyway, all said and done I agree with you on all counts with varying degree of agreement. But then thats what constitues personal opinion ! Again, it was a nice experience getting to know another persons perspective (and you being a girl was a cherry on top) ;-) heehee... Anyhow... on to the next topic... whatever that may be !!

To Confess or not to confess :: The eternal debate

2006-10-01T03:26:00.000+05:30

This post was first published on 1st October 2006 at 03:26 AM on my previous blog

For all those readers who have 'just' joined us, this post is part 3 of an un-predicted but interesting discussion about 'love'. It starts from my post 'About a Boy' (Part 2 is 'Why we said the things we said').

Hey Andi,

This is my reply to your reply to my reply to your post about 'love'. Heehee... So here goes...

The first words that escaped out of my mouth were, "Dear Lord", followed by, " Thats one big ass reply !". :-p heehee.. Its almost like I've unleashed a monster ! Snicker snicker... just kidding... I had read your reply in the morning (Indian time) but was kinda rushed so couldn't reply right away. Now I see you have made a few changes. Anyway, so lets start.

I am not suprised that you'd 'beg' (:-p) to differ. See, I think the concept of love is universal and along with the concept of 'religion', it is a very personal thing that varies from one person to the other.

Test of time

I agree with you 100 percent there. A person should never rush and make hasty decisions when it involves peoples lives like this. I have known people who have regretted a lot about how they moved up too fast and should have taken it slower. But I also know people who took too much time and by the time they were sure that they were in 'love', the object of affection was beyond their reach (emotionally or had moved to another continent or gotten over them). Therefore, that leaves a very small 'window of opportunity' and so a fine balance is required between waiting and actually doing something about it. Also, its not always possible to re-kindle a possible romance after some months or years. Who knows you might never meet that person again ! Its not necessary that you were close to the object of your affection in the first place ! A fine example of all this would be the guy you had a crush on. He liked you too then but he waited and waited and took his time and now he comes forward. You have moved on and now you know that it was just a 'crush'. But I'm sure you wud've said yes then ! For the guy, 'that time' was it and he blew it. For you, you would have realised by now that you made a mistake and probably would have broken up. BUT, i can guarentee you that he would any day prefer that little time spent with you than all of life without you (taking for granted ofcourse that he was a genuine person and not just some horny pig).

Men the go-getters

See, guys may seem quick to decide but they always know what they are doing. At that point of time anyway. And its not always about being horny (guys can be horny 24/7 for probably years on end till their body finally gives in). If it were left to the girls to ask out guys... well... then good luck world ! :-p And yes, girls take way too much time.

Trust Fate ?

Yaar... all that you said in this regard only matters if a person actually believes in the concept of 'fate'. I kinda don't. I believe that if you need something done then go ahead and do it. You can't really sit around looking for a sign. This doesn't mean that you rush into everything. Take your time. Maybe, some kind of sign may present itself, but incase it doesn't, then please don't wait forever. Timing is eveything and not everyone can get it right all the time !

LOVE for sure ?

Now HERE I would wanna differ with you the MOST ! I think you know 'love' and 'how to be loved and love back' from the moment you are born ! I don't think the brain needs to devolop some special area just to conprehend love for that significant other ! Sure it may not be fully developed till age 25, but how does that prove that our ability to love and be loved also doesn't fully develop till age 25. We we take that line of reasoning then a 30 year old brain is fully developed, more mature and way more experienced than a 25 year old brain. Then should we all just wait to be 30 ? or better yet 90 ? No ya... I cannot wait that loooooong ! :-p

Now for your question " how do you know how you've met the one if you haven't tested any other option let alone see all the potentials of what life may have in store for you"

See, I think this question is most valid if a person goes ahead and marries the very first person he/she goes out with ! I wouldn't recommend that ! But even then, you never know, maybe its a match 'made in heaven'. It could be perfect... or could be a mess. Anything is possible.

And the beauty about the 'trail and error' way is that its NOT marriage ! So if you do find some one better, its best if you move on. Otherwise you are actually living a lie and basically just ruining your life and the life of your present partner by denying him/her the love that he/she deserves.

I agree, I believe in the trial and error way but, what you are talking about is the next step ! I've just realised. We are both talking about the same thing but only at different stages. I say AFTER you've found the right guy/girl, then comes the 'safe,distant yet consistent' part. For me thats the natural evolution of the relationship. I don't think one can start from the 'safe, distant yet consistent' stage.

And your being a Libra can't possibly help ! :-p i know a lotta libras and man... YOU PEOPLE ARE INCAPABLE OF TAKING DECISIONS !

And not only your female friends but also me and I'm sure a lot of my male friends will also agree that "love for us is when we can't stop thinking about a person in her absence... time proximity with that person should not be a big issue". Thats not in dispute. But the "what if we can't find anyone better" got me confused. Um.. so what if you can't find anyone better ? Doesn't that just mean that you already are with the better person ?!?!

What about 'think before you leap' ?

I think if you 'think' too much about it then you are just killing the excitement factor. Sometimes you should just go with the flow and take life as it comes to you. It can turn out to be very rewarding ! If you start thinking about 'how the hell am i going to make this work?' even before you start, then the whole thing pretty much looks doomed to me !

Now i think you might have mis-understood me a little bit. The product of the confession of 'A' is of a lot of concequence to him. But that may not necessarily alter his life significantly. If she says 'yes', then his life would change for the better. But , if she is to say 'no', then hs life cannot get any worse. Why ? Because in this particular case -

(a) the two people are not very close.
(b) they hardly have any interaction at all anymore (they did not have much to start with anyway).

They rarely meet or talk. She not really a part of his life in the 'physical' sense. Emotional yes. Therefore all of us (including him) think that she has been 'lost'. So, a confession can't really push her any further away. But, it can make him feel better (as learnt from my personal experience). That might sound selfish, but another aspect is that maybe she has gotten sick of waiting for him to ask her out (we thought she gave a lotta hints during the early days) and so confessing might actually re-kindle the whole thing !

And trust me, telling someone how much you 'love' them can never be a waste of time, effort or energy. Besides, who doesn't like hearing it ? :-p

Expressing Love

What you say sounds very romantic but I'm sure at some point of time, you'd just like to hear that person tell you how much they love you. I know I would. That could be romantic too.

What do you want out of love?

Unfortunately the practical ways to make a realationship work leave very little room for 'Ideal Love' of that kind to survive. Everyone expects. I should know. I usually don't expect anything from anyone, but once in a while, even my hopes are raised. Its only human... to expect.

Issues with Proximity

Like I said before, in this case, he isn't around her at all anyway. So it can't get any worse. Therefore, he is not really escaping from anything. Who says that its do or die ? That if the answer is 'no' you have to break all contact ? If the girl has her heart in the right place, then i'm sure this 'relationship' can atleast continue at the same level even after the confession.

Korean Culture

Like I said before, it sounds and probably is a very romantic way to make some one feel loved. But a few people (like me) would actually like to hear it. I see it as an extension of the same romantic gestures.

Moral of the story : When guys see someone they like, they find the courage and go for it (usually ! But trust me its not easy to tell a girl you like her. Even if you've been friends forever). Also, you should only wait and watch (delay it) if you believe in 'fate', otherwise you are just screwing with the other persons feelings !

Even if its meant to be, one still needs to 'do something about it'. Things don't happen on their own !

Also, I love this song and your version is EXCELLENT ! I'm going to download it ! You sing well ! Its been playing over and over all this while !! I never thought that 'About a boy' would lead me to write so much about 'love'. And GOD ! You had a LOT to say about the topic ! :-p Anyway...its been a great experience ! Its nice to get a different perspective of things !

A couple of years ago (in my ignorance then), I had tried to define 'love'. Needless to say, I had crashed and burned and decided its probably best left a mystery.

Right then, I'm off to sleep land. You take care and yea... lets keep talking about more things ! :-)

Keep in touch !

Un-official Road Rules and Laws of Delhi

2006-09-30T02:50:00.000+05:30

This post was first published on 30th September 2006 at 02:50 AM on my previous blog

This blog was copied and forwarded to half the planet without taking my permission or even giving me any credit for it ! Sniff... :'-( for more info read 'Ouch ! Piracy hurts !'

“If you can drive in Delhi... you can drive anywhere in the world !!”, I’ve heard it a lot of times from a lot of people. People from out of town, visiting relatives or friends out on a swinging holiday. They say this in grim amazement, but for me, it really no big deal. I’ve gotten use to it…. now.

A few years back when I first started driving out on these Delhi roads, I noticed a complete lack of any kind of respect for any rules, regulations or even basic human courtesy. What we have on our roads here are loud, rude and angry people who are always in a hurry. From the fanciest and the most expensive of cars to the cheapest cars in the world, the attitude of the driver and the occupants remain the same. The occupants?? Yeah! Let anything go wrong and then along with the driver, you would haveta deal with all the occupants of the vehicle too, who take it upon themselves to fight it out right there on the road. Initially I used to be a ‘polite driver’. I used to avoid excessive honking, used to signal when changing lanes, used to stop before the zebra crossing on a signal and just simply used to smile at passing drivers in the hope of passing on some good cheer. Needless to say… all that has stopped now and I have become just another driver on these pot-hole filled roads. I growl and I make hand gestures. I give dirty looks and honk impatiently. But then, there are times when I feel like going back to the old me. Sure I might have driven like a sissy then, but it was way more relaxed! Now, below is the ‘Un-Official Road Rules and Laws’ list for Delhi and its crazy citizens which I have complied from personal experiences.

1. The condition of the roads shall never improve. The number of potholes determines the importance of the road.
2. It is the fundamental right of all animals to roam about the streets anyhow they please. After all, we cannot dare offend the ‘Cow’.
3. Every valid license holder is allowed unlimited horn access. Once you place your hand there, you should not remove it.
4. Zebra crossing is a what?
5. It is against the law for all signals to work all the time.
6. Rude behavior is a must or you might face license suspension.
7. You have no right to drive if you are not in a maddening hurry.
8. If you are rich, you have the right to be as arrogant as you like.
9. No rules apply to politicians or police.
10. In case of an accident or dispute, you must fight it out on the spot, blocking all traffic.
11. Knowledge of abuses and gaallis is a must and a requirement for license application.
12. Auto wallas were born with the right to fleece you. Their meters are not designed to work.
13. Bus and RTV wallas are government approved assasins and if you get hit, you should not expect any action against them.
14. Private drivers have the right to be as snobbish as their fat ass-ed masters. After all, its almost like they own those fancy cars.
15. Cycles and rickshaws are for target practice. Hit one and plenty more will replace that one.
16. Bikes and scooters are for showcasing the ultimate stunts and are a perfect way to die.
17. Bullock carts and Elephants are necessary to keep reminding us of where we came from so that those ‘evil western’ values such as comfort, safety and road-sense do not corrupt us.
18. Bribing the cops is our civic duty because otherwise how will their ‘bachchas’ (kids) ever get to taste ‘mithai’(sweets) on festivals. Or alternatively, how will these hard-working and honest cops ever have chai (tea) and paani (water)?
19. Call center Qualis are sniper assasins. Reliable and deadly. These drivers are hand picked from the very best of the worst.
20. Trucks and Trailers can move about any which way they please. After all, half of the police pay package comes from the ‘chai paani’ (tea water i.e. bribe) that they provide.
21. Falling containers help us understand the concept of gravity.
22. Taking U-turns over the dividers a skill that is a must to learn.
23. Indicators are what?
24. Every driver has to swear a holy oath to always drive on high beam.
25. It is a must to have nasty tunes playing when you reverse your car.
26. Cigarette butts can only be disposed off by throwing them out the window of a moving car, right on the path of the car behind you.
27. Breaking beer bottles on the road (tossing them out the window) while drunk driving is an art and should be learnt.
28. Getting your car rammed on the side if you don’t give way is ‘just’ punishment for you being difficult with other drivers.
29. Boys, men, uncles and grandpas are required by law, to follow a car to any distance just because a girl is driving it.
30. Tainted windows are good as they represent your snob value and also at times your horny-ness.
31. Red light beggars are trained professionals who are gaining work experience before they apply for jobs abroad.
32. Police check-points are hot zones where no checking ever needs to be done.
33. Double parking is your fundamental right.
34. The guy driving slower than you is an idiot and the one driving faster is a maniac.
35. Talking on your phone while driving and slowing down the traffic behind you is not an offence but a part of safe driving and should be encouraged.
36. Ambulance drivers are required to use their sirens when stuck in jams even when there is no patient.
37. Police personnel have the right to travel on two wheelers without helmets.
38. PCR vans are there to enforce traffic rules, not follow them.

Why we said the things we said !

2006-09-30T01:57:00.000+05:30

This post was first published on 30th September 2006 at 01:57 AM on my previous blog

The following is a comment that I left on a friends blog w.r.t my blog 'About a boy'. The reason i'm putting it up here too is that :

(a) It became kickass long and almost a blog entry in itself.
(b) it should help make the entry 'About a boy' more clear.

Hey Andi ! Thanks for visiting my blog and actually reading it. My link has been 'out there' for months now and you are only the second person to visit ! :-p I read your entries and would like to respond to the one releated to the 'love' issue. I think there are a couple of things that should make our point more clear. Like the reasons why we told our friend whatever we told him.

See, basically, whatever has been adviced to him has been learnt from previous personal experiences. Here I shall speak only about my own. "Its better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all". This I've learned from my first major heartbreak. Its not about announcing it to the world but rather letting that person know. I believe if you like someone then you should just go ahead and say it. It makes you feel lighter.. yes... is that selfish ? No... I don't think so... we haveto understand that the degree of 'love' varies from person to person much like the nature of people. Therefore not everyone can keep it all inside of them and lead on normal lives. For some of us, it becomes increasingly important to share it with people or maybe even 'that one person'. I believe a big part about loving someone ( parents, siblings, firends or others ) is expressing your love for them in words or actions. Keeping it inside will not tell them how you feel. Same rule applies in romantic situations. Even if the girl/guy doesn't like you, she/he should still know 'for sure' how you feel and then the way she/he treats you can tell you all you need to know about that person. Given, some people may find it very awkward to be around a 'proposer' (if thats even a word) but then if you ain't going to be around them much, then what difference does it make ? Now the best thing about the future is that no one can tell how its going to unfold. So you never know what might happen once you actually tell that person how you feel. And brings us to "You'll forever regret not confessing cause you will never know what could have been". I think if you want something (in this case, someones affection) then please get off your ass and work towards getting it. I have seen the most impossible situations turn around like magic. Hopeless situations turn and become festivities ! And also vice-versa. But there have also been times that, all that was standing in the way of a possible romance was the guts to ask each other out from either side. Time passes by and the feelings fade... then who is to say what could have been ? It could have been over in a few days or.... it could have lasted forever. The only way you can make sure is going ahead and doing it... so you know... rather than wondering forever about that cute girl who made your knees weak and your throat dry !So.. you know.. thats that...

Hey, I'm sorry for writing such a big comment. And i don't really know if it makes any sense at all... but thats kinda explaining why we push 'A' so much ! ;-) And thanks again taking interest in my writings... hope to talk to you more !

About a boy

2006-09-21T01:55:00.000+05:30

This post was first published on 21st September 2006 at 01:55 AM on my previous blog

Dedicated to ‘A’… who loves more than he is capable of handling in his little heart.

I know a boy, lets call him ‘A’. We (me and my friends) thought he liked a girl called ‘M’. He went to meet her often, drove for miles and miles just so he could have a few minutes with her. Talked to her quite a lot on the phone. He would call her and she would call him, they would talk for long. Day or night it didn’t matter. They looked good together, a cute couple. But that’s what they were not. When we thought he was making progress and that maybe she liked him too. In reality it was quite the opposite. But… we did not know this then. We would talk to him all the time, bug him, encourage him and give him ideas on how to talk, to ask her out. He would shrug his shoulders, wave his hand and say,’tension nahi yaar’ (No tension friend). We always thought he was too scared.. called him a sissy… maybe even gay. Didn’t matter, this went on for months.
Then slowly but surely, the calls became fewer, the meetings rarer. He wouldn’t tell, no matter how much we asked. For hours we would bug him. Still no progress. This guy is like a fort. But still inside beats a heart !

Today, he broke. Not in a way that people do. In his own way. Little by little we put the puzzle together, he never liked her….

He loves her !

But she doesn’t. Or so he thinks. Why ? He wouldn’t say! Is he afraid that if he opens up he might break ? We aren’t dumb either. We have come to understand that she has become more and more distant as time has gone by. Why ? We don’t know.

So what are we saying to him now ? Arre dude…. DUDE ! Just go ahead and tell her. You think that its over. You have resigned yourself to this fate but let me tell you this today, YOU WILL FOREVER REGRET NOT TELLING HER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER ! YOU WILL ALWAYS WONDER WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN !

We tell him its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

We tell him, go ahead, tell her everything. Tell her what she means to you, how much you love her. Don’t propose to her, just talk to her. Tell her but don’t look for an answer. She doesn’t haveta love you back and she sure can’t stop you from loving her !

His answer? Well… it seems nothing gets in his thick head ! But he has promised to think about it. What he will decide we know not. But are we wrong ? We think not !

Why is it that the person you love the most becomes the albatross around your neck? Come on ‘A’, we can’t let you sink. Think about it… this might be the defining moment of your life! Nothing to loose, only to gain!

Rang me Not

2006-09-20T12:21:00.000+05:30

This post was first published on 20th September 2006 at 12:21 PM on my previous blog

So yesterday I was just doing a thing I'm doing nowadays and a friend happened to stop by my newly captured work desk in office ! I was writing this thing and I decided to show it to her... It was about being young etc etc and it had a line which went like 'We are the Indian Youth'. Alright... so my friend goes through the first para and all ok.. then in the second one she happens to read the above written line and then in a flash she says,"Thats so Rang de Basanti" !

WHAT ?!?!?! HELLO !! EXCUSE ME !!

Now it doesn't seem like a big deal but that one line made me feel real mad inside. What ever I was writing, I really believed in it. I've had the same opinion since a long time. Definately before Rang De Basanti ! I didn't say anything then, as i havn't on previous occasions when she has said the same thing in similar situations. I'm not a person who gets easily swayed by movies ! My idiology is distinct and has devoloped over a period of time. So if I'm being patriotic... please don't insult me and my intelligence by comparing my words to some hype created by a movie. Its like stereotyping me. DAMN I HATE THAT ! I agree RDB has made being patriotic really cool and stuff and its a SUPER movie that defines our generation. But in the end, there is more to me than a movie ! If i'm being patriotic, does it haveta be that I'm being so because of that movie ? Because then i'll be 'cool' too ? I think NOT ! Just because something has made a topic really cool in popular culture, I don't think its right to judge everything related to that topic that comes in later as being inspired or influenced by that first thing.

But i'm not mad at her. Shez a nice girl and very balanced in the head. Wish she'd just stop saying that. Now i should probably have said this all to her but... let it be... its not that big a deal and maybe i can protest the next time. Yea... maybe I will !

The Rude Child

2006-09-17T01:24:00.000+05:30

This post was first published on 17th September 2006 at 01:24 AM on my previous blog

When does it happen.. What is that moment ? When is it that a child just takes for granted that he/she knows better than his/her parents ? Its quite interesting.. see... as we grow older we start becoming more and more aware of the world and our surroundings... even more aware than how much our parents were at that same age. This is the natural cycle... happens to every generation. Our parents must have been more aware than their parents. Thats why the arguments and irritated dialogues ! The truth is that our parents understand.. and they do so on a whole different level. What the heck am i talking about ? Well has it never happened to you that you argued stubbonly about something with your folks and were convienced that you had it right and they wrong.. but some time down the line, probably a couple of months or even years when the dust had settled and the topic no longer relevent, that you realised that your parents were actually making sense on that day when you yelled (sic) 'it's not like that ! you don't understand !' Come on ! That has happened to me so many times that I should probably die of shame !

Today I learnt another important lesson in life. A child should not forget his place and the place of his parents. A child should know his/her limits regardless of who is right. Today I cried.. all by myself... All alone. Not because I was hurt.... but because I had hurt my mother... who has loved me unconditionally... every single day of my life !

It happened so, I was on my way to meet some friends.. driving merrily along the broken roads... humming to some tune... when Mum happened to call... I parked on the side of the road and took the call. She was asking about a ertain financial transaction which wasn't going too well and was very much delayed. It started off ok but slowly and slowly I started slipping off into the 'irritated me'. It usually happens when i think some one is being a bit silly and not understanding very simple concepts ! My Mum was just asking me stuff so that the whole situation would be a little more clear in her mind... but the jack ass that I am... the GREAT AINU.. the SMART ONE... could not keep up with the questions.. and voice rising i started getting very rude... though at that time i just felt irritated and it didn't seem off to me, my mum started feeling bad. She even said 'Ainu, aise mat baat karo.. bura lag raha hai' (Ainu, don't talk like that... I'm feeling bad)... but did I stop ? No... :'-(

Somehow the converstation ended but even as she said bye in a dejected voice the realisation had started kicking in !

I have failed as a son.

The guilt, the pain... I carried it with me... I didn't enjoy the company of my friends... din't speak much... posed a phony smile when asked something... and my mind would just drift back to the moment when my mum would be saying 'beta please, chinchinao mat' (Son please, don't get irritated)... I felt sorry.. so SORRY ! I just wanted to run back to her and apologise my heart out ! How could i be so rude ? So stupid ? My own mother ! I'm am ashamed of myself. I don't say i have failed as a son just because of today. Its because of all the things i could not do for her... what she expected... what i couldn't deliver... but she still loved me and cared for me. Why do we get more and more arrogant the more and more educated and aware we get ? Today i've decided, I'm going to start changing... put an end to the non stop arguing that I do with my mum. She deserves to be treated better.. much better. I don't want to fail her gain. I SHOULD NOT fail her again.

I love you Mum and I'm really REALLLLLYYY SORRY !! :'-(

I need Inspiration !!

2006-09-14T01:46:00.000+05:30

This post was first published on 14th September 2006 at 01:46 AM on my previous blog

And so another month passes by...
I knew I wouldn't be writing anytime soon...

I need inspiration... Last night... I read the blog of an old childhood friend of mine ! Wow ! First.... I didn't even know he had a blog and second.. Wow.. can he write or what !?!?! I was amazed... the same kid I grew up with... was writing so much... about so many things and what he said actually made sense ! I must admit... I was super suprised ! Never knew he was so deep ! Anyway... I NEED INSPIRATON ! I've learnt this from my little life till now...that i regularly need doses of inspiration ! I mean when I'm inspired by anything... you know... when something manages to get my started... to get me thinking... to make my heart beat faster and my blood rush... whoa ! Those are the times I love being myself ! I am at my creative best then ! Is there anything my mind cannot achieve then ?!? Yea... Well... I loose stream just as quickly ! Thats why i need constant inspiration ! DAMMIT ! Yesterday I had to force myself to sleep cause the blog I read was really thought provoking... it got me started... I planned everything from writing my own views to making a short movie on it ! But... look at me tonight.... My mind is BLANK ! Just fucking BLANK ! This is what I hate about life and this is how it is becoming more often than not !

This is never a problem when you are a kid... I miss being a child... Over the last few months I have watched helplessly... My childhood become a thing of the past and adulthood take all control of me... yea just the last few months... Its been painful... this process of evolution... I'm not ready yet... I'm an un-willing adult ! Is there any going back ? Probably... but I'll need INSPIRATION !

Its been a long road....

2006-08-07T01:36:00.000+05:30

This post was first published on 7th August 2006 at 01:36 AM on my previous blog

It's been a long road... Getting from there to here... Its been so long since my last blog... I don't even remember when i last visited it myself... sheesh... When I first started writing here... I thought.. you know... I'll start small... but later probably write so much and once day become the blogger of the year perhaps ! :-p Ya.. well... thats me.. I'm a Dreamer... I'm also lazy... and blogging is way too much work... I don't even call people... There have been times when I could have easily caught up with old friends online... Friends who meant a lot to me at some point or the other... But instead I ended up playing Civilization ! Conquer the world... its so much easier in the game... You are the boss... I'm not a violent person... I'm not shrewed either.. but I CAN play Civlization very well... I usually lead my civilization into extreme devolopment and then by power and influence rule the world... its gives you a high... to be so mighty.. but I don't abuse my power... I don't know why but there is this stupid moral chip embedded in me somewhere... even in the game.. I try to help the weaker civs...in war and in peace... its ok for me to pound em... but i never let any one else pound a weakling ! Especially not MY weakling !!

I have forever been thinking to write a confession... a kick ass long letter to everyone who has ever known me... to apologise to people... for so many things... form hurting to just simply not calling... I'm 22.. and yet... there is so much that has already happened... I don't want to forget it all.. like I 've forgotten so much from my childhood... I remember a lot.. but what about all that I've forgotten ?? No.. plus i'm not happy with myself... I feel like a failure so many times its un-nerving.. I'll write about it in my Confessions... If I ever do write... there are times then when I feel like writing a story about my life and the people in it... there is so much to tell... we HUMANS hide so much inside of us ! All the time... I'm sick of hiding ! I loved my childhhod.. there were no secrets.. my life was an open book... it wasn't so complicated.. I tried to make it last... as long as it could.. but adulthood has finally caught upto me and the ways of the world are taking shape in my mind... DAMMIT !

I'm growing old... starting a career... devoloping a ponch and just going thru each day without living it like I used to ! Where did Ainu go ? Where is the guy who used to dance when it rained cause he just felt so happy... who could tell how a person felt by just looking at their face and their eyes... where is the guy who stood for everything thats right and got respected for it... where is the guy who had the patience of a saint... where is the guy who stood so tall in the eyes of the people around him that it made his heart swell with pride ?

My downfall came and took me away.. and for all my gift of foresight I could not see my own demise. Today I cannot look at myself in the mirror and pity the fool who stares back... I let it go to my head... Now I'm too hung up on myself... Brooding day in and day out... I stand broken but still I will get up tomm morning and go thru life pretending that everything is ok... keep it all in me again... till the next time i feel touched by something and decide to put it down...

Dear God,

I know I havn't ever done anything that would qualify me for your good grace but let me confess this now... I believe in you... Not in the way people do... in my own way... I do not agree with the Mullas... or with all those others who think its their birth right to talk on your behalf. I know I havn't prayed since the last one on my bed before going to sleep as a 15 year old perhaps... but I do whisper a prayer under my breath from time to time. Please listen to those.. they are not for me... but the people who really need it... I don't ask for much from you and know that I don't deserve anything either... and this is probably the first and the last time that I'll confess to this... I believe in you...

Love,

Ainu

I'm not religious.. never going to be ! But there are somethings that I would never say out loud... I want to... SO many things that I wanna stand on the Empire State Building and shout about... Will I get my chance ? Probably not... but then thats the beauty about not knowing the future.. Anything is Possible !

This is nice.. I feel light now.. My first Confession coupled with a lotta rubbish but i'm on my way ! And maybe someday I'll send off that FAT ASS letter... and you might get it... when you do... try to forgive me...

P.S. DONOT read my previous blog entries... Especially the Devdas one... I don't know what the FUCK I drank THAT NIGHT !!!!

Five Point Someone !!

2005-06-22T22:35:00.000+05:30

This post was first published on 22nd June 2005 at 10:35 PM on my previous blog

Oh man !! Bought it day before !! Read and finished it that day itself !! Had heard so much about it... and now i can say for myself... Its bloody GREAT !! Now I'm an engineering student and have lived in the hostel too... and i tell u.. some of those things in that book so seemed out of my life !! Nothing was too stupid or too crazy or too dangerous for us to try !! And even the engg. coll part.. though Rai ain't no IIT.. but all along i could relate to the book !! A must read... IItian or not... Engg student or not... i would recommend it to everyone !!

War Against Viral !!

2005-04-13T19:41:00.000+05:30

This post was first published on 13th April 2005 at 07:41 PM on my previous blog

So just about a few minutes after my last entry here... i started shivering... and then i knew for sure.. fever was on its way.. maybe a few minutes away.. i had kinda seen it coming.. about 3-4 days earlier i had chilled pepsi with ice.. my throat had kinda started getting weird from right then... neway what follwed after shivering was one of my most uncomfortable nights ever ! Couldn't sleep properly at all ! And then suprisingly.. last night was one of my most comfortable ever ! The doc said i should be fine by tomm... its just a viral attack.. but i feel almost back to normal today itself... this is like my annual fever drill.. Thankfully i hardly ever fall sick except for token times like these.. once or twice a year for a day or two !!

Total Waste !!

2005-04-12T00:26:00.000+05:30

This post was first published on 12th April 2005 at 12:26 AM on my previous blog

Total waste of a day !! Didn't do one damn thing of any consequence !! Got up around 12:45 pm !! Whole day jus the net and tv... saw jingle all the way today... complete... had seen some of it before... and thats about it.. think i'll go rent some cd's tomm... thinking of getting that movie.. Master and Commander... also planning to wake up a bit early tomm.. like not going back to sleep after dropping me brother on his stop in da morning... well.. can try atleast...

i know i won't be dropping off anytime soon... last night sleep came to me only after 3 am ! But i kinda like this time to myself... i do all my reading at this time... search the net for whatever i feel like reading about... it's real fun.. i guess that would be very geeky for a lotta ppl but this is what i like to do before i go to sleep... solve whatever confusions i might have about things.. usually its history... i love the second world war... conflicts in perticular interest me very much... thats besides space exploration and paranormal and extra-terrestial stuff and all... those are all me hobbies ! Last night i looked up the reasons behind the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan... and i came across an interesting analysis by this person on some site... he compared the Soviet occupation of Afghanistan to the present American occupation of Iraq... and taking into consideration the advancement in technology over the years.. the terrain of the two countries and the type of people living in the different regions... he found out that the Soviets actually did a bit better than the Americans are doing now during occupation.. especially in terms of casualties !! He found this very interesting.. because generally in the west people always said that the Soviet military (during the Afghan occupation) was more like a paper tiger and could never have stood up to the western forces !!

Ah well... but this occupation business is going to trouble the American people for a looong time... They are going to haveta stay there till normality returns... and that could take a while... till then the casualties are only going to mount...

Turning 21

2005-04-11T00:05:00.000+05:30

This post was first published on 11th April 2005 at 12:05 AM on my previous blog

The day before yesterday was one of my best birthdays ever !! Well the run up to it seemed rather disasterous... but as soon as it turned 12:00 and the calander changed upto the 9th of April 2005.. the bell rang and in sailed all me relatives from me mothers side... Nana, Nanna, Mamu's, Mumani's and all my tiny tot cousins !! From that moment on.. it was superb !! Cut the cake ... got a shirt as gift ... it was very special.. then the next day.. Chinese lunch with all me friends... and after that we went to India Gate !!!!! Bought an air ball and a frisbe !! It was so much fun.. like we were little kids again.. played for long there.. came back late in the evening.. and then late at night.. Italian dinner with Mum and Muffs.. missed Dad though... now i'm jus waiting for me parents anniversary to come around.... all four of us will celebrate it together after a very very long time...

But besides all that.. gee.. i'm getting old now !! 21 !! For God's sake's !! I guess i was jus not prepared to count beyond 20 !! Hmmm.. so much left to do... i feel i should've done a lot more by this time... though i'm pretty satisfied by my life till now... just a bit unsettled all of a sudden !! Guess i'm still too much of a kid deep inside !!