The Rude Child

This post was first published on 17th September 2006 at 01:24 AM on my previous blog

When does it happen.. What is that moment ? When is it that a child just takes for granted that he/she knows better than his/her parents ? Its quite interesting.. see... as we grow older we start becoming more and more aware of the world and our surroundings... even more aware than how much our parents were at that same age. This is the natural cycle... happens to every generation. Our parents must have been more aware than their parents. Thats why the arguments and irritated dialogues ! The truth is that our parents understand.. and they do so on a whole different level. What the heck am i talking about ? Well has it never happened to you that you argued stubbonly about something with your folks and were convienced that you had it right and they wrong.. but some time down the line, probably a couple of months or even years when the dust had settled and the topic no longer relevent, that you realised that your parents were actually making sense on that day when you yelled (sic) 'it's not like that ! you don't understand !' Come on ! That has happened to me so many times that I should probably die of shame !

Today I learnt another important lesson in life. A child should not forget his place and the place of his parents. A child should know his/her limits regardless of who is right. Today I cried.. all by myself... All alone. Not because I was hurt.... but because I had hurt my mother... who has loved me unconditionally... every single day of my life !

It happened so, I was on my way to meet some friends.. driving merrily along the broken roads... humming to some tune... when Mum happened to call... I parked on the side of the road and took the call. She was asking about a ertain financial transaction which wasn't going too well and was very much delayed. It started off ok but slowly and slowly I started slipping off into the 'irritated me'. It usually happens when i think some one is being a bit silly and not understanding very simple concepts ! My Mum was just asking me stuff so that the whole situation would be a little more clear in her mind... but the jack ass that I am... the GREAT AINU.. the SMART ONE... could not keep up with the questions.. and voice rising i started getting very rude... though at that time i just felt irritated and it didn't seem off to me, my mum started feeling bad. She even said 'Ainu, aise mat baat karo.. bura lag raha hai' (Ainu, don't talk like that... I'm feeling bad)... but did I stop ? No... :'-(

Somehow the converstation ended but even as she said bye in a dejected voice the realisation had started kicking in !

I have failed as a son.

The guilt, the pain... I carried it with me... I didn't enjoy the company of my friends... din't speak much... posed a phony smile when asked something... and my mind would just drift back to the moment when my mum would be saying 'beta please, chinchinao mat' (Son please, don't get irritated)... I felt sorry.. so SORRY ! I just wanted to run back to her and apologise my heart out ! How could i be so rude ? So stupid ? My own mother ! I'm am ashamed of myself. I don't say i have failed as a son just because of today. Its because of all the things i could not do for her... what she expected... what i couldn't deliver... but she still loved me and cared for me. Why do we get more and more arrogant the more and more educated and aware we get ? Today i've decided, I'm going to start changing... put an end to the non stop arguing that I do with my mum. She deserves to be treated better.. much better. I don't want to fail her gain. I SHOULD NOT fail her again.

I love you Mum and I'm really REALLLLLYYY SORRY !! :'-(